Hidden In My Heart

Never Fail Gravy

2012-02-15T17:18:00.000-08:00

You would think that since I post recipes once in a while that I would love cooking. In truth, I love finding simple ways to cook so that I have more time for things I truly enjoy!

Anyway, last winter I discovered this super-simple, never-fail gravy recipe. It is seriously yummy, and it takes NO effort!

In a crock pot combine:

2 - 3 lbs round steak (cut into pieces) or meatballs (the ones from the freezer section work)
2 pkg. onion soup mix (I like the beefy onion soup mix best)
2 cans (10 oz) cream of mushroom soup
1 soup can water

Put the cover on the crock pot and cook on low 3-6 hours (depending on the meat you choose.)

A couple of Sundays ago, I dumped 2 bags of frozen meatballs and these ingredients in my crock pot before church. We returned home a couple of hours later, and all I had to do was boil and mash some potatoes before serving up a "real" Sunday dinner.

Enjoy!

Is This God Talking?

2012-02-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am a very black and white person. I thrive on facts, knowledge, and logic.

Which also means that I often struggle to "hear" God.

God rarely calls us to do what comes easily and naturally. He rarely (maybe even never) speaks to us audibly.

So, how in the world, can I discern if an idea is "of God" or simply craziness?

Lysa TerKeurst, in her book What Happens When Women Say YES to God has designed 5 questions to sort through our thoughts/dreams/ideas/aspirations/emotional reactions to discover which are the plans God has for us. I personally LOVE these because they provide a "system" of discernment. (Yes. I DO thrive on structure!)

Does what I am hearing line up with scripture?

Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will."
For me there are 2 really important concepts in that verse. One is to remove what "the world" would have me do or expect me to do from what I expect myself to do. I all too often limit my actions because of what others may think or how they may respond. The other talks about being able to test and approve what God's will is. In order to do that I must know what His word (the Bible) says! I am often amazed at how a passage of scripture I have read many times can take on a completely new meaning. God continues to teach me and grow me, even when I think I have "mastered" a passage of scripture.

Is what I am hearing consistent with God's character?

Lysa uses Galatians 5:22-23 as a glimpse into God's character. That passage says, "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
When we know what God's character is, we know He will never ask us to act or react in a way that is contrary to His character. God will never tell us to speak mean or ugly words, even to someone who "deserves" them. He WILL call us to love more deeply than we can imagine possible, to have peace in the midst of chaos, and to be kind to someone who has hurt us.

Is what I am hearing being confirmed through other messages?

Lysa singles our the words from Isaiah 30:21-22 here. "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it." Then you will desecrate your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, "Go away with you."
I love this passage because it tells me that if I really, really listen - God will show me the way to go. And when I am in the center of His will, all that "worldly stuff" will not sway me. It will be meaningless, as repulsive as a menstrual cloth.
Lysa also speaks here about how when God wants us to do something, He keeps repeating the message over and over and over. You may read about it in the newspaper, your Pastor will preach about it, the song on the radio speaks of it, your BFF calls and tells you something related, etc... I have a friend that says she does not believe in co-incidences ONLY God-incidences. I think she is onto something!

Is what I am hearing beyond me?

1 Thessalonians 5:24 says, "The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."
What you want to read here is that if what you are feeling called to do is beyond you then it is SURELY NOT OF GOD, right?!? WRONG!!!!! God calls us to do things that are totally, utterly, completely beyond us so that when we succeed GOD will receive all the glory!

Would what I am hearing please God?

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ." Philippians 1:9-10
Bottom line. . . if what you are considering would please God, DO IT and GOD WILL BE PLEASED!

Dontcha love it?

Me too!

I will admit that these five questions do not turn "grey situations" into sharp "black and whites." However, for me, this bit of structure help bring unclear situations into focus.

Too Funny to Forget!

2012-02-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I took our oldest three out for lunch. As we sat waiting for our food, I gazed at my biggest kids and just started to giggle. These three were born in 3.5 years. When they were all little and we went out to eat, I would pack a big bag of toys. They always played so nicely as they waited for their food. Fast forward 12 years and they still play nicely while they wait for their food! The only difference is that now they pack their own toys!

First of all, look closely at this photo.

Notice how Joshua is cheek to cheek with his daddy and the way he is laying causes his daddy's shirt to say "son?" Don't you think that is a fun coincidence?

Chad brings Joshua to Kristen's house each Wednesday so that I can go into work super early. This week, Joshua was being even pokier than usual. (Joshua moves to the beat of his own drum, and it is NOT a fast beat!) Chad finally got Joshua into the vehicle and was half way to Kristen's when he realized that Joshua had not brushed his teeth. Always ready for plan B, Chad stopped at the nearest gas station to buy a pack of gum. He figured chewing gum would at least disguise the morning breath.

Now Joshua tells me, "I not need brush my teeth! I just chew gum. Then I not have stinky teeth. Daddy says!"

Joshua is addicted to button-up shirts and ties. Seriously. Unless they are all dirty, he wears a tie every single day.

Last night Brenna rode home from church with Chad. When I got home, she ran to me and when I stooped down to give her a hug I noticed she was crying. After she calmed down enough to talk she told me that she had heard her dad talking on the phone about a mountain lion that was spotted in town. After he hung up the phone, he joked with her that we had better watch out for Riley (our dog) or sometime when we let him our to go to the bathroom a mountain lion may sneak in and get him. You never know, he joked, we might go to let him in and only find his collar. Even though she knew he was joking, the thought of a mountain lion eating her beloved Riley was terrifying. Poor girl!

Last funny kid story, I promise.

Last Saturday I was working diligently to clean our house because it was going to be shown (3 times) to potential buyers. Joshua was being quite uncooperative and trying to wear his dirty boots on my clean floors. Krissy, trying to help me out, told him "Joshua, you better take off your boots or Mommy will bite your head off when she sees you." Little man came running to me crying BIG tears. I scooped him up and he told me, "Mommy, Krissy say you bite mine head off. That not nice! You not do that, right?! You never bite me. Tell Krissy!" Poor Krissy was flabbergasted! She looked at me and said, " Mom, I just meant. . ." Then we both burst in hysterical laughter as we tried to explain the figure of speech to a freaked out four year old!

I am so thankful for the laughter that fills our home!

An Unwilling Student

2012-02-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

In the last few years, the Lord has been laying submission on my heart. I am a bit of a strong-willed girl and submission does not come easily to me. However, I did think I was making progress!

You know what that means, right?!?

Yep, the Lord gently whispering to go deeper, submit to Him more fully.

And do you know what verse kept coming to mind, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22.

Not exactly a culturally acceptable verse. But Biblical.

So, I started praying that God would allow me to see when and how I take control of our household rather than allowing my husband to lead. Funny thing. When you pray, He listens.

Funnier thing. I can be a very unwilling student, even when I have asked for the lesson.

(Big, long, sigh.)

Last week Chad and I had a decision to make. We had signed a six month contract with our realtor. When we listed our home we did it with the purest of intentions. We really felt like it was more than we needed. We truly wanted to down-size a bit in order to free up more money each month to use for things more important than a big house payment.

However, in the six months we had our house for sale, we NEVER found a single home that would meet the needs of our family AND reduce our mortgage. We were also TOTALLY unable to find a lot on which we could build.

I was ~~a bit concerned~~ totally freaked out for six months. What if our home sold? Where would we go? What would we do?

To give a bit of background on the intensity of our situation, Bismarck is growing like wild fire. It is one of the rare places where the economy is wonderful. Homes are selling like hotcakes. There is very, very little to buy. Our realtor shared that one day last week a home came on the market. It was shown about 15 times in the first 3 hours. They received 3 offers. It was sold to the highest bidder that same day.

There is also NOTHING to rent.

There are also NEXT TO NO lots to buy - especially because we want to build our home ourselves. The VAST majority of the lots available are builder owned. Those builders will only sell you a lot if you hire them to build your home.I could muster to keep our home on the market for the length of our contract.
Add to those measly odds the fact that we have teenage children, who desperately wanted to stay in their current school, and you have yourself a bit of a situation (as Krissy would say.)

It took all the faith I could muster to keep our home on the market for the length of our contract. I was counting down the days until it expired. My whole being wanted to have a plan that felt secure and safe. The way I saw it, God had not opened ANY doors and He had allowed us to maintain possession of our home for six months. Those facts alone must mean we should remain where we are, right?

Chad agreed. . .

Until 3 days before our contract was to expire.

Then he dropped some very unexpected news. He informed me that he really thought we should leave our house on the market.

I was not happy. (That may just be the understatement of the year.)

I was angry, confused, and very scared. I could not understand why he could think such a thing. There was certainly every indication that sooner than later our home would sell, and NO indication that we would have anywhere to move.

His solution, "We could live in the camper inside the shop." was NOT well received.

Seriously ladies, can you imagine living in a camper for an extended amount of time with 5 kids and a golden retriever? ME EITHER.

So, we reasoned. We argued. I cried.

And finally I realized that like it or not, I am called to submit to my husband, as to the Lord.

Have I done some "crazy things" because I am sure the Lord is asking me to?

Yes.

Would I submit to my husband (as to the Lord)?

~~NO way!~~ I mean, well OK.

So I signed the papers to renew our contract with the realtor, while informing my husband that, "I would not be moving unless he had some sort of plan, even if we got asking price for our home. And I am SERIOUS!"

Yeah, I know, really submissive. (not)

So, I kept praying.

Over the weekend I tried to explain my very real fear of being homeless. He listened. That helped.

I kept praying. That helped.

I truly tried to trust in God and my husband, for real.

Saturday our home was showed (shown?) three times. I cleaned and spit-shined with a lovely attitude. I texted a couple friends and asked them to remind me that "God is in control and I love my husband." They did. And they prayed for me. That helped.

I would love to tell me that I was in a place of perfect peace, but I was not.

I was, however, humbled and teachable. I realized that I was not pleasing God by distrusting my husband's leadership. To the contrary, I was disobeying Him.

So, I worked and worked and worked at letting go and trusting.

And guess what happened yesterday?

My brilliant, God-fearing, loving, and leading husband purchased a lot. (I am shedding a few humble tears here.) He not only purchased a lot for our family, but God lead him to the perfect lot. The lot that we had been hoping and dreaming of. It allows our middle school and high school children to remain at their current schools. It is 1.6 acres, which will allow us a detached garage someday to house the boat, Chad's hunting stuff, and his collector car. It has mature trees and some little tiny ones, too. AND although it is technically "in the country" there is NO gravel.

Wow! God IS in control. He delights in both teaching us and in giving us the desires of our hearts, in His time.

Do we still have many hurdles to jump? Yes.

Our home could sell tomorrow. We could need to be out in 60 days. It will take about 6 months to build (maybe longer). That would mean 4 months or more in the camper.

We continue to consider adding children to our home.

Life is full and crazy and rich and filled with unknowns.

But God continues to prove over and over and over and over and over, that He is in control. He will open and close doors in accordance to His will.

So, I do not worry. Today, I celebrate. Because although the next bit will be crazy, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is here leading the way.

Starting the Day Lysa's Way

2012-02-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

(Yes. This photo cracks me up, too. It looks like a teen-age facebook profile picture with a part of my reflection in the mirror.)

This winter our women's Bible study, which I have affectionately nicknamed the "Lunch Ladies" because we meet over noon hour each Friday, is reading and trying to live out Lysa TerKeurst's book What Happens When Women say YES to God. Being able to be a central part of this Bible study is the biggest blessing of my job! I am encouraged, inspired, challenged, and loved by this group of ladies each week. Meeting with them makes me want to be more and serve better, not because they (or God) will not accept me if I am not "performing," but because it is just so exciting to see and hear God working in each of our lives.

One seemingly very small way that I have been inspired by our study and Lysa's book has come in the very simple prayer that is taped to my bathroom mirror (pictured above). Each morning as I am dragging my sleepy body out of bed and into the shower, I pause to brush my teeth. As I am brushing my teeth, I can not help but to read the words of Lysa's prayer. (It certainly beats the view of myself in the mirror pre-shower!) This prayer has begun to direct my day.

God, I want to see You.

God, I want to hear You.

God, I want to know You.

God, I want to follow hard after You

And even before I know what I will face today,

I say YES! to You.

Amen

Isn't it beautiful?

And even more beautiful than the words is the openness and excitement that dedicating my day to saying YES! brings to my heart and mind.

I highly recommend starting your day the same way!

(Some day very soon I will share Lysa's strategy for discerning if the thoughts/ideas/dreams/intuitions you have flow into your heart and mind are just "crazy" or are totally Godly. I love it, and I know you will too.)

If you are in Bismarck, I would love, love, love to have you become a "lunch lady." Message me if you are interested. I promise you will leave inspired and encouraged.

Remembering to Be Joyful

2012-02-05T06:14:00.000-08:00

Some weeks do not go quite as expected. I usually do a pretty good job of rolling with the changes, but this week I failed miserably. And while I continue to struggle a bit, I am also realizing as I chose stubbornness, frustration, and grief this week - I forgot to be joyful.

Unexpected change of plans or not, I have much reason to be filled with JOY every day.

Here is a peak at the JOYFUL moments of my week.

There is so much comfort and joy that is shared between a girl and her dog.

As "head chef" in our family, I cook - A LOT! I am a competent cook, and I do my best to provide my family with healthy, affordable, tasty meals. But Chad, he LOVES to cook. He is creative and passionate in the kitchen. His joy for cooking is something we all appreciate. (Pictured above is his new specialty - stuffed crust pizza!)

Smiling siblings, playing silly games bring great joy to us all.

My absolute favorite sound, is the sound of my children laughing.

Their giggles bring instant joy to my heart, every single time!

I am choosing joy today.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalm 118:24

(Because I know you are wondering, nothing too earth shattering happened this week. We just decided to leave our house on the market. I was really looking forward to pulling it. Submitting to my husband did not come easily, but it is what I am called to do. I am most thankful that we rest in the knowledge that God is in control.)

Foster-Adopt, Learning as I Go

2012-02-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

So what does the foster-adopt process look like? I have been asked.

It is really, really different than International adoption!

The process begins the same, with a homestudy. Part of the homestudy is discerning characteristics you feel capable/comfortable parenting. That includes things like the number of children you could/would adopt, age span, race, gender, abilities/disabilities you could "handle", etc. . .

From then forward, it is very different than the type of International process we experienced with Joshua. In Joshua's adoption, we were confident that we were called to adopt a 3ish year old boy. We also felt very solid about an agency. When we started his process, they did not have a child within those parameters waiting - so we were placed on the agency's waiting list. We knew that when we finally received a referral it would include very little information. We were prepared to move forward fairly blindly.

The paperwork we received when we accepted Joshua's referral was scant. It included a photo, an extremely brief medical report, and a social report. The medical report basically told us his blood work was "clean." It left our many things - like the fact that he was not walking at age 2.5. (I am not criticizing our agency as I say this, just using it as an example of how limited the information you receive in International adoption can be.) It also included a "social" report. The social report only told us a bit about his birth family, where he was born and the names of his Ethiopian parents. We moved forward with FAITH, HOPE, great JOY and ANTICIPATION based on this tiny bit of information.

In the foster-adopt process (which we are currently exploring) it is a much different story. For one thing our parameters are different. We are "comfortable" with children age 8 and younger. (so younger than Brenna) We would consider siblings. Gender and race are of no importance.

Sadly, there are many, many, many children in the US foster system that fit those parameters. So we are spending time on websites like adopt us kids looking deep into the eyes of the photos of children and then reading their short bio trying to discern if we could/should/would be able to parent them. As I look, I pray that God would open the eyes of my heart, so that if there is a child He has chosen to join our family I will see him/her/them with His eyes (instead of mine).

When we find children we feel may fit into our family, we email our social worker. She then emails or phones the caseworker in charge of the children and inquires whether or not our family's homestudy could be considered.

So far we have had a couple of responses to those inquiries. The caseworker has either already found a family for the child, OR he/she forwards more information (a longer and more detailed bio) about the child making sure we would want to be considered once we have a better picture of what the child is like. On occasion our family does not "qualify" for a particular child. (Usually that is because the caseworker insists that the prospective child be the youngest in their adoptive home.)

Reading those reports has opened my eyes wider that I wish. OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh my heart! The things children (even these young ones under age 8) have suffered in horrifying. The behaviors that have resulted (and are overly documented) are completely understandable. Yet discerning what we are capable of parenting is very, very difficult.

One thing I want to say in BOLD here is that I do not believe these children have been more or less abused/traumatized/neglected/etc than children in third world countries. It is simply more documented in the US. In International adoption parents get to live in "la-la land" waiting for their sweet son or daughter to join their family. Once the child comes home, reality sets in, and you get to work helping your new child overcome past hurts. In foster-adopt "la-la land" is nonexistent.

I also do not believe that American orphans are more or less needy than third world ones. I do believe that pain is pain. Some have argued that third world adoption is "better/more important" because the children could die of disease/starvation/etc if not adopted. American orphans will absolutely be fed, but lonely is lonely, and unwanted is unwanted, no matter where you are born. And while American orphans are being fed, they are not being launched successfully into society once they age out of the system. Over 99% of the children who age out of the foster care system as orphans end up in prison. They may be physically saved, but their souls certainly seem lost to me.

I have also be cautioned that American orphans are much more risky. They are "bad to the bone." They are sure to bring only heartache to a home. Research does not support this assertion. Some children (adoptive or biological) have long-term difficulties. The place of their birth has nothing to do with their future success in a family.

(I will now step off my soapbox and move on.)

If/when we are comfortable with the longer bio, our homestudy is submitted. The child's case worker reads it and if she feels our family would be a good fit for the child, we are then allowed access to the full file. The full file is a full file! It contains very specific documentation about every aspect of the child's life. I am so thankful that my life has not been as well documented as the lives of these kids. I would be pretty ugly under the high power microscope too.

(One other difference is that no fees with foster adoption. We did choose to hire a private social worker to write our homestudy, but we could have used a state worker free of charge. In our case, we know our social worker will (and has) advocated for us and our future kids. She is also so capable of helping/counseling us once the child comes home that we felt the money was well extremely well spent.)

We would be able to meet the children pre-placement. Most likely there will not be multiple visits because the children we feel called to are fairly young, but in the case of older kids there would be multiple visits, maybe a weekend in the adoptive home, and the children would have some say in their future family.

It is not a fast process. Most workers are overwhelmed by their caseloads. Many delays happen in dealing with multiple states and various agencies.

For me, the biggest struggle comes in feeling frustrated and overwhelmed in deciding "what" we could parent. Every one of the children I have read about needs and deserves a family. Saying, "we can not do that" is really, really hard for me.

Yet in all honesty, so is saying "maybe?" I have had moments where I wonder if we really can do this. Can we really move forward with our eyes SO WIDE OPEN? Time will tell, I guess.

For now, we are seeking. We are praying. We are trusting. We are waiting.

I would be honored if you would join us in prayer.

Learning When to Say YES!

2012-01-29T17:49:00.000-08:00

Saying "YES!" does not come naturally for me. My knee jerk response is always, always no! But in the last years, God has been teaching me that I need to learn to say yes to Him.

The funny thing is, the more I practice saying "YES!" the less terrifying it becomes! In fact, I have become quiet passionate about being open to God's will for my life. Slowly but surely, saying yes is becoming my first response.

You know how it goes though. . . just when you think you have it "figured out" God throws you a curve ball. (sigh)

I shared a few weeks ago that Chad and I have completed another home study, but beyond that I have chosen to keep any adoption related thoughts quiet. In truth, I have done that for a couple of reasons. First we are not totally sure what this next adoption may look like. We are open to many different things, and we are just hanging out trusting that God will open and close doors in accordance to His will. Secondly, I fear this (possible) addition will not be as eagerly anticipated by those around us as Joshua's was. (And do I have the strength to proceed when all the obvious reasons to NOT are pointed out - over and over?)

Saying yes to another (possible) adoption is both easier and harder than saying yes to Joshua's process. It is easier because it is not totally unfamiliar. We have been there/done that. Yet, that is the exact same reason that it is harder this time!

Just so you know, I do remember

how hard the wait was.
how long and intense the early bonding/attachment phase was.
how much it cost - in time, financially, and emotionally.
that I currently am a busy mom of 5.
that it would make more "sense" to wait a couple years. Then Krissy will be in college and no one would have to share a room.

But I also remember

the joy that Joshua brings to our home every day.
God has provided everything we need just when we need it.
how much I love being a mom.
how my heart is broken for the fatherless.
that God desires obedience when He calls.

I could add to both lists, but in the end all that matters is that Chad and I both believe that God truly wants us to tip-toe forward with open hearts ready to do His will. You see, like Jonah, I tried ignoring His call. For about 9 months, I walked around with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that feeling of guilt you carry when you know what you should do, but you are refusing to do it. I knew that God was asking us to renew our homestudy. Knew. Yet I still stalled. I had lots of excuses. It was too expensive. I was not ready. I was too busy. Finally, one Sunday in November I emailed our social worker telling her we were ready to update our homestudy. Wouldn't you know it, my stomach ache disappeared.

Since then, God has thrown us a lot of "curve balls." (In fact for a few weeks in December, we thought we would have 2 more children by now!) But the crazy thing is, as we walk day by day saying "Yes, God! Our deepest desire is to serve you." my heart is peaceful.

That does not mean some days are not hard and heartbreaking.

Chad and I are very open to adopting our of birth order this time. And although we are willing to adopt domestically or internationally, we are drawn to adopting through the foster care system.

And that is where the hard and heartbreak comes in.

Have you ever logged onto a website, praying that God will open the eyes of your heart to the child/children He has chosen for you?

Have you ever looked at those beautiful children's pictures, looked into their eyes, and read their profiles trying to decide if you could "handle" their "issues?"

Oh how it hurts my heart!

In my opinion, one of the limitations to adopting through the US foster care system, is ALL the information available. When you adopt internationally, you receive next to no information. You most likely receive a short medical report, a short social history, and some pictures. Then you say yes or no, trusting that God will set the right "lonely one" onto your family.

Children in the US foster care system come with a daunting amount of documentation. They come with labels, diagnosis, and treatment plans. They come with report after report after report. And each report is filled with heartbreak. Abuse. Neglect. Under-age mothers. Addicted fathers. A long string of care-givers. Many "behaviors."

It makes me want to vomit as I think about how much hurt and trauma children have endured.

What/who do we say yes to? What/who do say no to? How do I say no to a child? How do I say yes?

One day last week, our social worker sent me a report on some children and asked if I wanted any more information about them. What I read, I wish I could forget. But I also knew that although they were in desperate need of a family, they had more needs and deeper needs than we could deal with. So I emailed an apology to our social worker.

She responded with much grace and wisdom. She told me, "There is no shame in saying no to me, only in saying no to the Lord."

There is so much to learn from in that one sentence.

So, I continue to learn. I continue to seek His will.

In all things.

One Loooong Week

2012-01-27T14:16:00.000-08:00

Monday night Krissy had a choir concert.

Tuesday, Jamison had a basketball game.

It was close, but they won!

Tuesday, Joshua got to go shopping with Grandpa Scott of a cowboy belt - all! by! himself!

He loves it!

He can not understand why Krissy thinks it is "weird to tuck in his shirt."

After all "Grampa doos dat!"

Wednesday, I brought 7 kids to church.
And then brought them all home.

(no pics of that crazy fun)

Thursday, Jamison had another basketball game.

Brenna attends mostly for the treats Grammy fills her pockets with!

It was another close game,

but they pulled it off once again.

Just between you and me - basketball stresses me out!

I always love to watch my son, however track and cross country are much less stressful for this momma!

Friday, Joshua "helped" daddy at work for a while.

Then he "helped" me!
(Friday is my favorite day because Joshua gets to be with me at work some!)

And in 2 hours. . .

We will watch Jamison play another ball game!
(They won!)

Add to that the biggest workload I have had thus far at my jobs,

one last minute house showing (and the cleaning that goes with it),

12 loads of laundry,

5 meals cooked,

and one doctors appointment,

and I feel and look like a mom of 5, with two jobs, a golden retriever, and NO cleaning lady.

Really, really tired!

Good news though, tomorrow is Saturday!

So thankful, too, that my week was full because of busyness, not tragedy or sickness.

Now I Happy!

2012-01-24T19:38:00.000-08:00

The above picture was taken while an adoptive friend traveled to Ethiopia to bring home her son in Feb/March of 2009. She was the first person who checked on Joshua Gebeyehu for us. While I had seen other pictures she took while on this trip, I had never seen this one before this weekend when she posted it on facebook. (In this picture Joshua Gubs is in the background on the far right side sitting in the swing. He is wearing pink pants. The little guy in the front of the swing is her son.)

Seeing Joshua looking so un-Joshua-like, still breaks my heart. On this trip my friend estimated his age to be no more than 16 to 18 mo. Joshua was not walking well at all and she described him as very babylike. We believe that Joshua was actually 28 to 29 mo. at the time this photo was snapped.

While it is good for me to remember all this, I am actually sharing it for a different purpose.

Joshua has no cognitive memories of being in Ethiopia. He never says, "I remember doing, eating, seeing__________________ in Ethiopia." We talk about Ethiopia every day, and he asks a lot of questions, but he contributes no memories to our conversations.

Anyway, I showed him the above photo. He looked and looked at it.

Then he said, "That me?"

I told him it was! I said I could not believe how much he has changed.

He responded, "I 'ook sad. I not happy Ethiopia. I waiting, waiting for you get me."

I snuggled him tight and said that I agreed, he does look sad in this picture.

He gave me the biggest, tightest hug ever. Then he responded, "I NOT sad anymore! Now I happy!"

Me too, my son. Me too.

Basement Basketball

2012-01-22T15:17:00.000-08:00

Boys basketball season has begun! Which means a drastic change to our routine as several basketball games each week are added to our schedule. Not that I am complaining! I love to watch Jamison play!

Going to games has given Joshua "basketball fever!"

Jamison is an incredibly patient coach! Joshua is not the most teachable of players. He prefers all the attention and none of the tips!

So we hear a lot of "Jay! My turn!" and "Hey mom! Look at me!" and "Jayyymisonnnn let me have the ball! (even though Joshua has his own ball)

Jamison just laughs, rolls his eyes, and eventually picks up his little brother and tickles him.

Once in a while, Joshua gives Jamison some space to display his moves.

Between these two basement basketball players, the sound of a basketball being dribbled and shot through a hoop permeates our home. And I love it!

Some day (far in the distance) our home will be silent,

so today I am thankful for the slap of the ball against the tile,

the victory yell after a tough shot is drained,

and even the arguing over whose turn it is to have the ball.

My boys playing basement basketball make my heart smile.

Losing My Innocence

2012-01-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today we saw Joshua Gebeyehu's face for the very first time. This picture still takes my breath away. I still want to scoop him up out of that crib, hold him close to my heart, and never let go. And by the grace of God, that is now our reality.

By the grace of God, Joshua is chattering away while I type.

By the grace of God, he snuggled in a hot bath with his daddy this morning.

By the grace of God, he dug through his drawers full of clean clothes trying to decide what he wanted to wear this morning.

By the grace of God, we giggled over doughnuts for breakfast.

I am so thankful for God's grace.

As I think over the last 28 months, I am still overwhelmed by the mountains that God has moved to grow me into the person I am today. 28 months ago I was living in my own little world. I was busy caring for "my own." I did not feel like I was "called to missions." I was "busy enough" singing on the worship team, teaching Sunday School, and keeping up with my kids, our home, and our business. The word "orphan" had next to no meaning to me. After all, I did not know any orphans. (I talk about 28 months in this post because although we saw Joshua's face for the first time 24 months ago today, the 4 months leading up to his referral were very significant in shapingour hearts.)

That description makes me sound very self-centered and shallow. And although no one around me at the time would have described me using those words, it is how I feel about my "old self" today. However, ignorant or innocent would probably be a more fair description.

28 months ago, I did not know:

that there are 147 Million orphans in the world
that when Jesus said to care for orphans he was talking to all of us
anything about Ethiopia
anything about adoption
anything about how trauma, malnutrition, and loss effect brain development
anything about attachment and bonding
how God could knit a child into my heart that had not grown in my belly
how it felt to stand in a room full of orphans waiting for mommy's
how it felt to hold and love a child that called me mommy, but did not know what a mommy was
how much time it takes for wounds to heal
how much capacity I had to love
how much I have to offer

In the last 28 months, I feel like I have lost my innocence. There is no longer a day that goes by that I am not thankful for clean water, food in my fridge, clothes on my back, and the ability to provide for my children. There is not a day that goes by that I do not ask God how and who he wants me to serve.

Once in a while I miss my innocence. I think I'd like to make a purchase without thinking about how much the money I am spending could impact the life of someone else. But in actuality, I am so thankful. I am grateful for each and everything I have learned because my life is so much richer and has so more meaningful now than it had 28 months ago. I know God so much more intimately. My heart is so much more joyful and grateful.

I can only hope that 28 months from now I will realize that God has continued to grow me, to teach me, to shape me. I hope to continue to lose my innocence as I seek Him in all things great and small.

I celebrate today the gift that Joshua Gebeyehu is in my life. I celebrate all he has accomplished and all the ways that he has grown. I celebrate all the ways that he has grown me.

To God be the glory, great things He has done.

His Heart of Worship

2012-01-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful I took so much time to record all Joshua's firsts last winter. I think both he and I needed to celebrate each accomplishment and transition. As everything has stabilized (and I have gone back to work), I have not been as good at recording each and every moment. But once and a while there is a moment that just takes my breath away, a moment when I wonder if I should run for my camera or just stand in awe.

This morning was one of those magic moments. A moment so simply pure that I want to hide it in my heart forever.

Joshua LOVES to play Chad's guitar. LOVES is an understatement. Some days he spends more time strumming the guitar than he spends playing with toys. In fact on New Year's Eve he requested to play. Chad was in the middle of cooking appetizers, and he told Joshua to go ahead and play. Joshua asked for a pick. Thinking that he would only play for about 4 minutes, like a typical 4 year old, Chad told Joshua that he could play without a pick. Joshua played for about 45 minutes. Then he put the guitar away. Later that night he showed me his thumb, because there was "something funny on it." He had a HUGE blister covering his whole thumb. Chad felt terrible! We now keep a pick right where Joshua can reach it!

Anyway, this morning I was picking up the house enjoying just being at home. Joshua was in out bedroom strumming away as usual. I paused for a minute trying to listen to the words of the song he was composing. I am so glad I did.

He was strumming and strumming while singing, "I yunna yorship you! I yunna yorship you!" over and over and over with a purity and sincerity I can only hope to imitate.

His sweet, pure, simple song brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart.

Can you even imagine how his Creator felt?

She's Glowing

2012-01-12T18:08:00.000-08:00

Krissy has inherited a bit of her Dad's love of cars.

Chad installed underglow lighting in her car for Christmas, and she loves it!

I have been attacked by a "killer cold" this week. Laying in bed this morning, I wondered how I would make it through the day. Although I do not work at church on Thursday, I had a small mountain of work to do for Chad's business. I also had a sizeable list of things I thought I should do around the house.

After my morning shower I was exhausted. That convinced me that my list needed to be reduced to essential bookkeeping tasks and our family's laundry (clean undies are a must!).

Krissy had the day off, and I was feeling bad that I was not up to something fun. Little did I know that she would be exactly what I needed to get through the day. She helped me so much. She played with Joshua while I got the paperwork I needed to get done completed. She swapped loads of laundry and folded a load of clothes. Best of all, she kept Joshua entertained while I took a 2 hour nap. It was pure heaven.

I am feeling a bit guilty that she spent her day off taking care of me, but I could not appreciate it more.

Sometimes people ask how we could possibly "handle" having five children. I always tell them that I am totally completely blessed by my kids. They are now at the ages and stages where there is almost always someone to help me, almost always someone who likes me, and honestly, almost always someone who is irritated with me. While I say that as a bit of a joke, I certainly appreciate the help that my kids so often provide. I don't know what I would do without them!

(Chad, too! He made breakfast and supper! He knows my love language is not having to cook!)

New Resource - "Connecting with Kids Through Stories"

2012-01-10T16:09:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Connecting with Kids Through Stories by Denise B. Lacher. I loved it!

It was written by therapists that have worked with adoptive families for many years, however I believe the technique described is VERY transferable to any child.

The basic premise of the book is that we often learn more readily through stories than through rewards, consequences, or lectures. I know this is true for me. When someone tells me a story, true or not, it opens my mind to new possibilities without me even realizing it. I begin to imagine what it would be like to be in that characters place without feeling "my" feelings.

The best example I have of this is in two books I have read in the past year. The first is Radical. Radical is an incredible "how to book." The author describes how he feels we are called to live as Christians. It is fairly clear-cut and "in your face." I loved it, and I was totally overwhelmed by it. Contrast that book with Kisses from Katie. Kisses from Katie is an autobiography. It is Katie Davis telling her story of a radical life in Christ. She is working in Uganda, serving the poorest of the poor, washing their feet (literally). She merely shares her life and her heart. She does not lecture that we should all become "Katie Davis," but in reading of her life, I was certainly inspired to do more, reach deeper, and work harder.

Both teaching styles are good. Both are valid and useful. However, often the kinder, gentler, "sneakier" approach works best. Especially when introducing a skill or an idea that seems nearly impossible or will send up emotional flares of panic or doubt.

Using this technique to connect with and correct kids would go something like this:

Identify the source of the problem. (Often we realize only the problem. For example, my child is driving me crazy! He refuses to share his toys. But we do not take the time and energy to try and find the root of the problem. The first step in this approach is to try to figure out why your child is acting the way he/she is. What purpose is that behavior serving, or has it served in the past?)
How do you think your child needs to grow in order to change this behavior? (Does he need to come to terms with past hurts in order to move forward? Does he need to realize what the new behavior would look like? Does he need to be inspired about how great it will feel when he accomplishes the new skill?)
Once these things have been thought out, parents construct stories that will be told and retold to their child that describe the source of the problem, the development of skills needed to move forward with the desired behavior, and finally the triumphant display of the new behavior.

Say what?

Let me give you a very simple example.

Friday mornings I leave for work really early - like 6AM. I always try to sneak out of the house before Joshua wakes up because if I am gone when he wakes up he does really well. If I am there but need to leave quickly, he panics because he wants more time to snuggle. The separation combined with his sleepy brain is just too much.

Last Friday he woke up before I left. He immediately started to whine about not wanting me to go to work, not wanting daddy time (which he loves, for the record.) He latched his little arms around my neck and had NO desire to let go!

At that point I had a decision to make. Try this new story telling approach I have been reading about OR ask Chad to peel Joshua off of me and make a run for it. I decided that I could at least try this story approach because the worst that could happen is that Chad would have to peel him off of me after my kinder gentler attempt.

So I launched into a story about a little boy who loved to spend Friday mornings with his daddy. I went into all kinds of detail about how much fun they had, the things they did together, and how safe the little boy felt with his daddy. Then I said that one morning this little boy woke up and decided he only wanted his mommy! He felt snugly and mommy's lap just felt sooo good. But mommy had to leave. He grabbed mommy and did not want to let go. I described his Mommy telling him all about the things he would do with daddy that morning and how he felt excited at the thoughts, but he still wanted his mommy! I described how the little boy remembered that when he says good bye to mommy bravely he is rewarded by getting to go to her office for lunch. I then told him in much detail how the little boy unwrapped his arms from his mommy's neck and kissed her good-bye. He still felt a tiny bit sad inside, but he was also excited about daddy time. Besides he remembered how much fun it is to have lunch at mommy's office. He gave his mommy a big kiss and then asked her to beep beep her horn 3 times when she drove away.

This story took about 5 minutes to tell. Joshua listened intently. When I got done, I said "OK mommy has to go to work now. I can't wait to see you at lunch time!" (Notice no lecture. No try to sneak in a lesson just to make sure he got the point) Joshua gave me a longer than usual hug, and I admit I held my breath a bit. He said, "I want you stay at home!" I told him that would be fun, but we had to wait until tomorrow for a stay at home day. I reminded him how excited I was to see him at lunch though. He gave me a little grin. Then he climbed off my lap and reminded me to beep-beep before I drove away!

Now, this technique is not usually "instantaneous." It usually takes many tellings and retellings of a story. Stories often have to be told in parts, and each part has to be "digested" before the next chapter is told. In my example, I told a story of a behavior Joshua already has the skills for and has successfully exhibited a number of times. Do not be frustrated if you do not have instant results, however take note of his success! By reminding him "sneakily" of what he has done, he was re-prepared to say good-bye without tears or tantrums!

I have very much simplified this fantastic approach to connecting with our kids while helping them to heal and move forward. Hopefully, my simple review will inspire you to read this excellent resource! It really was packed with very do-able ideas, and it offered many glimpses into why our kids may behave the way they do sometimes.

Getting to the root rather than just correcting the symptom makes total sense to me!

Skating!!!

2012-01-09T18:36:00.000-08:00

It was a BIG day in Joshua's world.

He got to go ice skating!!!

Joshua's Godparents, Luke and Ashlee, are MAJOR Sioux hockey fans. They have been carefully planting the seeds of "Sioux loyalty" in our son. He has caught the hook, big time!

It has not been a popular choice with his siblings who prefer the Bison and football to anything Sioux, especially hockey. Pretty much our entire extended family has fought his Sioux fascination, but he continues to hold fast!

On a few occasions this has caused a bit of squabbling in our home. He once told Krissy and Jamison that they looked "yucky" all dressed in Bison green and gold. He was certain he would never wear that "yucky Bison stuff. Because I (Joshua) only I likes the Sioux!" His siblings were in an uproar over that comment. His Grandpa Scott was not too thrilled either! (Not to mention Uncle Jeremy, Auntie Teresa, and Auntie Miranda, etc...)

So peacemaker that I am. . . I bought him a Bison shirt for Christmas, just to even out his wardrobe. (Luke and Ashlee has already bought him a Sioux shirt!) I kept telling him to cheer for Sioux hockey and Bison football!

Yes. I know, all you true sports fans are seething. "It" just does not work that way in your world. However, I do not speak sports. I just want everyone to win. (corny but true) And I just want everyone to get along! It is a solution that works for me. The Bison do not play hockey, so it seems a good compromise in my little world.

Joshua made his family proud this weekend as he cheered for the Bison as they won the National Championship football game. I know everyone had high hopes, but I fear they may have been dashed today!

Today our son skated!

I have to type that again. Today our son skated!

The same son that could not jump one year ago today! The very one who could not go up and down steps one foot at a time, either, just one year ago. He was delayed, and we were worried. We worked and played and prayed and played and worked and prayed some more.

And today our son skated!

Not only did he skate, he went to the rink with his Godparents all by himself. All by himself!!! And he did great!

Whether you like the Sioux or the Bison, you have to cheer for that sports story!

(When I told Chad that Joshua was skating he said, "Can you even imagine what his birth family would think? Our little Ethiopian son skating on ice. . ." )

There are so many miracles in this simple accomplishment. I am so thankful for each and every one.

Historic Warmth

2012-01-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

Way up North, we have been enjoying the warmest, driest winter I can ever remember!

In fact today it was so warm - almost 60* - that Chad wore shorts to work to celebrate!

I had to capture a picture, because even in the summer it is rare for him to wear shorts to work!

We have NO snow, NO ice, NO slush!

We are thrilled!

We will love this kind of record breaking!

For My "Fake" Friend

2012-01-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

The time between Joshua's referral and traveling to bring him home, was the longest, hardest, most difficult time in my life. Knowing without a doubt that he was our son, and simultaneously knowing that he was in an orphanage was nearly unbearable. Truly, is there any worse place to think of a child being than an orphanage?!? The time it took to process paperwork and pass court seemed like such a waste. My heart was shredded thinking of my son all alone.

During that time I was blessed with some friends who loved me like never before. Mary, Karri, Teresa, Sharlene, Ashlee, and Kristen - I could not have walked those days without your prayers, encouragement, and love. Truly.

I was also blessed with a couple of new and as my kids called them "fake" friends. There were a couple of mom's who were also waiting for the arrival of their Ethiopian children who loved, supported, and encouraged me. That was such a surprising blessing.

Prior to Joshua's adoption I had very little interest in the Internet. I was not on FaceBook. I had never read a blog. Chat groups were not my thing. I liked privacy! But as we entered the realm of International adoption, I realized that there were few people nearby who I could learn from and who would understand my heart. So, I needed to "go more public."

I started this blog, and I joined my first Yahoo group. I also read lots and lots of other blogs. More than any other way, God prepared me for Joshua's arrival through the stories other families shared on their blogs. I learned much about attachment, hearing God, walking in faith, God's heart for the orphan, orphan care, travel in Ethiopia, and details about Joshua Gebeyehu's personality through blogs and our agencies Yahoo group. I have told people that the Internet has grown my faith more than anything else, and I am not joking.

By the beginning of May 2010 (3 weeks before we traveled to get Joshua), I really did not think I could wait another hour to see our son. I was ridiculously miserable. About that time, my "fake" friend Dardi traveled to Ethiopia to bring home her son.

While in Ethiopia she sent me these photo:

Now I understand that they do not have quite as much impact on you as they did on me, but at that time they were truly the most precious gifts I could receive. To see Joshua Gebeyehu by the pictures of our family was so exciting to me. He had seen us! I knew he did not understand fully, but he had seen us! In the bottom photo he was holding the rings we had sent him, and smiling mischievously.

Dardi also emailed me his shoe size. She told me he was potty trained! She sent a couple of funny stories that revealed a bit of his personality. And, she was honest - letting me know how he had cried when he realized that he was not going to go with Dardi, her new son, and her daughter Kam. She told me he was ready and waiting for us.

Dardi has continued to encourage me as mom and as a sister in Christ through little comments on my blog, advice on "mega momma mobiles," and in sharing her heart/ her God stories on her blog.

This is my friend Dardi and her family.

I tell you about them today because they (finally) need a favor from me. . . from us! I, at long last, have the opportunity to help and encourage her family.

You see they are in the process of adopting a little girl from China. They are thrilled to report that the process is going more quickly than anyone (save God) could have predicted. However the quicker process made for less time to save funds, and they are a bit short. That means we have the opportunity to help.

Now, you have all heard my lectures before about how every dollar matters to God. Please trust Him with your gifts, large or small. God does not need money, He just teaches us through it. And He does not come up with a plan that He can not pay for. I trust Him to multiply our gifts to meet the need od my friend Dardi and her little Kemeri.

To contribute to this family, please click here.

To follow their journey via Dardi's blog, click here.

Father God, thank you for the blessing that Dardi has been to me. Thank you for the example she is. Thank you for calling her and her family. Thank you for Kemeri. Thank you that she will soon be on the hip of her loving momma. She is almost home, God. We trust you to continue to move mountains as You set this child into the family You have chosen for her. We know that You will meet each and every need they encounter. Please pour out Your blessings on each gift and upon each giver - as only You can.

Pheasant Chili

2012-01-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

Even though my pheasant hunters decided to sit out (or was it sleep through) today's hunt, we feasted on pheasant for supper. If you have any pheasant in your freezer, this recipe is a MUST try! (I am sure it would be yummy with chicken too.)

Pheasant Chili:

(serves 10-12)

2 lb boneless pheasant breast (cubed)

1 1/2 tsp. garlic powder

2 tsp cumin

1 tsp black pepper

1 Tbsp onion powder

1 chopped onion

2 tsp oregano

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

2 - 15 oz can Northern Beans

2 - 7 oz cans diced green chilies

2 - 15 oz cans black beans with jalapenos

2 - 14 oz cans chicken broth

2 cups sour cream

1 cup whipping cream

Instructions: Saute meat, onion, green chilies, and all spices in olive oil until meat is fully cooked. Add all canned ingredients. Heat until boiling and then turn down and simmer for 30 min. Stir in sour cream and whipping cream. Serve once sour cream is melted in nicely. (This can also be kept on low in your crock pot and served as hunters come in from the field. However, do not allow to boil once creams are added.)

This was very delicious and easy!

Enjoy!

2011, A Year of Change

2011-12-31T16:12:00.000-08:00

Today is New Year's Eve. Can you even believe it?

The close of a year is always a nostalgic time for me as I think back on all that has happened in the previous 12 months. I told Chad today that to me, 2011 was a year filled with change. So many changes that at times I am still trying to wrap my brain around them all.

The biggest and very best change is in Joshua's relationship to his daddy. He has become so attached to Chad. Everything about their relationship has become relaxed and natural. Chad had to be so very patient! It took Joshua a loooooong time, but it was worth every minute. The picture above was taken just last week. Joshua had fallen asleep in my van on the way to my Grandma's pizza party. He was snuggling sleepily on my shoulder a bit overwhelmed by the new location and all the people. When his daddy arrived he quickly reached out to him. He was happy to snuggle with him. Even 2 months ago that would not have happened. He would never have gone to Chad when he was not totally secure in a location. Once he was feeling a bit more comfortable, he would have gone to Chad before any other adult, but he would not have left my hip in that situation until very recently. It is so, so good!

He also chooses to go places with Chad instead of with me at times. He has asked to have Chad put him to bed once or twice when I am at home. On the weekends when he comes into our room to wake us up, he never leaves our bed without hugging and kissing his daddy. And in the last week when I have been off work and we have been sleeping later, his first words in the morning have been, "Where my daddy?" When I tell him he is at work, Joshua responds, "OH, I wanted to take a bath with him! I want daddy time!"

We are now truly parenting Joshua just like we parented his siblings at the same age. He is sleeping in his own bed! He has no only very rare issues with separation. I have not noticed any unusual or possibly adoption/trauma related issues in several months. Joshua is now also confident and attached in his relationships as a grandson, nephew, and friend as well. We have slowly transitioned from therapeutic parenting to typical parenting, and it feels so, so, so good!

Other changes this year, which may seem minor to you but feel MAJOR to me include:

Krissy getting her drivers license and beginning high school! I am so thankful that driving has gone so well. I was so worried! In the end, I have really appreciated her being able (and willing) to run a few errands for me. I can not believe that in 2 years we will be preparing for her graduation! I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming.
Jamison is the same height as me. That does not seem like such a big deal until it happens. The little boy I rocked as a baby and tickled as a toddler now looks me in the eye. Soon, I will be looking up at him. He has a deep man-voice. Watching my oldest son turn from boy to teenager has been incredible. I am in awe at the man he is becoming.
In August we put our home for sale. While it has still not sold (and we may decide to pull it off the market), choosing to let go and give even out biggest position to God was a huge decision. In some ways we were "laying down our Isaac" and allowing God to take it or "regift" it to us. As a woman who loves making our house THE place for our family to gather and feel safe and loved, letting it go without a plan of what was to come was a HUGE leap of trust.
I went back to work, and I sent my preschool child to day care. That was THE HARDEST thing I have ever done as a mom. Although I truly felt that God was calling me to take that step, I could NOT UNDERSTAND WHY! I truly believe that the best place for a child to be is with their mother, and feeling that God was "forcing" me to leave Joshua just did not add up. While I could see how I could be used for His glory in my job, I could not fathom how that gain would be worthy of (what I perceived as) Joshua's loss. I did not doubt that I was operating under the umbrella of God's will, but I still struggled to trust and submit when it did not make sense to me. In the past weeks, I have been very humbled as I am starting to catch a glimpse of how God was preparing and protecting Joshua for the future. My constant prayer during this transition has been Jeremiah 29:11. When I have been scared, doubting, and frustrated I have continually repeated, "Thank you God that You have a plan for my life. Thank you that it is a plan to prosper me and my family. Thank you that it is not a plan to harm me. Thank you that it is a plan to give me hope and a beautiful future." It is incredibly humbling to see that plan (which was so totally unknown to me) begin to unfold and realize how many things that I counted as loss were actually gain.

Although I will never remember 2011 as a simple, calm, "golden" year, I will remember it as a year that I learned much about blind trust and having faith even when "it" does not all add up.

God really is good. . . all. the. time.

Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday To Me

2011-12-29T20:02:00.000-08:00

Because I know you are all wondering. . .

37.

Yep. I turned 37 today.

(Don't believe my teenagers when they tell you 38! They are truly teasing.)

I am overwhelemed by the blessings I am surrounded by.

Truly. Overwhelmed.

To Grandmother's House We Went

2011-12-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my sister-in-law, Emily, and I loaded all 7 of our kids into my mega momma mobile to road trip to my Grandmother's house for her birthday. There is just no place else in the world like your Grandma's house - especially at Christmas! Being in my Grandma's house when it is decorated for Christmas just brings back so many memories!

As a child we always spent Christmas Eve at my Grandparent's house. We went to church, took hours and hours of family pictures (or so it seemed), ate all sorts of yummy treats, opened gifts, laughed, tried to sleep so Santa would come, and eventually woke up and waited and waited and waited for Grandpa to come in from feeding the cows so we could open stockings Christmas morning. The ONLY downside about marrying Chad was that our marriage ended Christmas at my Grandparent's house. (I gained Christmas with my in-laws whom I love though!)

The last few years I have tried to get to my Grandma's house to see her on her birthday. It is not quite the same as Christmas, but it has become a wonderful NEW tradition.

Most of the pictures below will not mean much to you, or to my kids - but for me they are dripping with memories.

Here the teenagers are gathered around Grandma and Grandpa's kitchen table. Their kitchen table is THE place where memories are made. That table is the center of all the action. The majority of my memories from their home take place with that table in the center.

The second most memory filled room is the "office." Walking into my Grandpa's office and seeing my kids laughing just made my heart smile.

Emily, the kids, and I arrived at the farm about noon. We had packed a simple lunch so Grandma would not have to cook on her birthday. We chatted, drank coffee, and sampled Grandma's baking all afternoon. Then we traveled to Pizza Corner to meet the rest of the clan for birthday supper.

The pizza place had games. Lucky for us, Joshua does not yet know the driving game is more fun if you feed it quarters.

Silly Sierra bought this ~~ridiculous~~ super cool hat with Christmas money. She loves it.

Joshua, Caitlin, and Brenna strike a pose.

The super-cool teen table - Jamison, Landon, Courtenay, and Krissy

This is my grandparent's surrounded by all of their Great Grandchildren

(left to right) Jamison, Sierra, Joshua, Alexa, Brenna, Adrianna, and Krissy

Here they are surrounded by all their Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren that were present. There are 3 missing.

(back, left to right)Caitlin, myself, Jamison, Sierra, Joshua, Alexa, Brenna, Adrianna, my brother Chad, and Krissy

(front, left to right) Landon, Grandpa, Grandma, and Courtenay

This is one of my favorite photos from the night. It had been 18 years since I have seen my mom and her siblings pose for a photo together - but it was a yearly occurrence growing up. Grandma insisted on many family groupings each Christmas Eve before any gifts were opened. Each and every year, the siblings were called together for a photo. Every year they goofed and giggled, pinched and wiggled. It was so fun for me to see that some things never change!

This is Joshua posing with his (and my) Auntie Robin.

Unfortunately all good things come to an end!

We loaded back up in my mega momma mobile - but this time my parent's jumped in.

Guess what?

Even with my mom and dad riding along, we had 2 extra seatbelts!

I am learning to love my mega momma mobile!

Happy Birthday Grandma! We loved spending the day with you! It was so good to be at my Grandma's house for Christmas(ish). I love you!

A Creative Christmas Day 2011

2011-12-26T19:59:00.000-08:00

Christmas day dawned very traditionally - with a little one climbing in our bed, ready to check out his stocking! (Joshua is no longer terrified of Santa - but he does not think Santa is fun. So at our house we just have stockings. The gifts come from mom and dad. No chubby guy with a beard gonna sneak into our house!)

I love snuggly, Christmas morning pictures!

After stockings and breakfast (Thanks Chad!) we rushed off to church.

After church we joined my family at my parent's house. We had lunch as usual, and then the creativity began.

Grandpa had decided that the grandkids should go out to the hay barn and re-enact the Christmas story. It was an experience!

Here is Mary (Lexie) riding the donkey (Sierra) to Bethlehem.

Joseph (Joshua) kept a tight hold of the halter rope.

(Sierra was a "Shrek-like donkey." At one point she belched loudly. She was not very sacred in her acting, but she was bust a gut hilarious!)

Here are Mary and Joseph watching baby Jesus sleeping in the hay.

Grandpa was the narrator and director. He had his hands full trying to keep everyone focused (including the audience - we may have been a bit disruptive and giggly).

Here is the angel (Brenna).

And eventually Mary and Joseph were joined by a shepherd (my brother Chad) and a wise man (Adrianna).

The whole cast

Poor Jay was NOT impressed! This precious play took place in the middle of the first Celtics game of the year. He is an avid Celtics fan. Good thing he could check the score on his cellphone.

Krissy was not impressed being at the barn in her 5" heels.

And Chad, well he is just a heckler, so the crowd was as funny as the actors.

After the play, Grandma had a scavenger hunt planned. She said that we needed to do something different so we would always remember the Christmas that it was 45* outside!

(I told you she was creative!)

She gave the kids their clue, and they were

OFF!

Eventually we had a more traditional gift exchange.

Mr. Serious Celtics Fan skipped his first turn to open a gift because the game was tied!

(NO! We do not usually tolerate this degree of sports mania, but it was the first game of the season.)

Last year, Joshua was very hesitant about gifts. We were careful to make sure he did not get overwhelmed and overstimulated. We even took a break mid-day to go home for a rest and some quiet. Those were all really good choices at the time.

However, it was NOT necessary this year! This year he was a typical 4 year old in every single way. He LOVED presents, he even pouted once when he was out of things to open. He ran and played and hugged and giggled. He was totally overstimulated, but he handled it so well.

We were so proud of him!

Our boys roughhousing

Poor Jay! Joshua loves to egg him on, but when Jay finally grabs him and wrestles and tickles Joshua loves to tattle. Joshua picks and picks - but then when Jay grabs him he yells, "Mom!!!! Jay getting me!" We all giggle about it. It is a really good thing Jamison is so patient!

Here are Joshua and Grandpa playing rodeo.

Notice the brownie with the bite mark?

Mr. Joshua grabbed it off the plate and began to take a bite.

Then Lexie called for him to come and play.

He replaced it on the plate mid-bite so that he would not miss out on even a minute of fun.

Emily and I just laughed and laughed.

It is so fun to see the cousins together!

I am not working most of this week!!!

So today, I got all my Christmas things from the main level put away.

Then Chad helped me repaint the accent wall.

Yep, again.

In the last 6 weeks it has been light grey (which looked blue), dark grey (which looked poopy green) and now is chocolate brown. I think the third time is the charm. I also got smart and raided the paint room at the shop instead of paying for paint, so if I change my mind again at least the paint was free!

I joked on facebook that you know you married the right man when he helps you paint the same wall 3 times in 6 weeks because you just can not get the paint color correct! In my defense, I have never done this before! I am usually a good color chooser!

Anyway, my main floor is back to normal. My basement is totally trashed, but that will be a project for another day.

Tomorrow I will fill the mega momma mobile with our kids and my sister-in-law and her girls. We will take a roadtrip to Grandma Great's house so we can celebrate her birthday.

I am so very thankful to be off and able to go!

A Beautiful Way to End a Beautiful Day

2011-12-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

It was a wonderful day filled with family, unexpected blessings, yummy food, thoughtful gifts, much laughter, beautiful music, and overflowing with love.

Some days are just too special to end in a normal way.

So tonight, filled with the anticipation of Christmas, our kids asked to sleep together.

Krissy on the top bunk.

Joshua on the bottom bunk.

And Sierra on the floor.

There was a bit too much chatter, and when I started to worry about lack of sleep, Chad wisely shushed me. After all how many sleepovers do I think these 3 will have? Some moments are too special to ruin with rules.

Some days my cup runneth over with joy, gratitude, and love.

Merry Christmas from our house to yours.

Praying that your cup runneth over as well.

Yet I know some of you grieve from deep losses.

I pray that God meets you right where you are,

and that you feel His love in the midst of your pain.

Believe it or not, He really does work miracles.

Usually when you least expect it.

Our Family Christmas 2011

2011-12-23T22:54:00.000-08:00

Tonight we celebrated Jesus' birthday with our kids.

We had planned on opening gifts tomorrow morning, but I was too excited to wait any longer.

We began our evening with our traditional appetizer meal. Krissy commented that it is most likely the least healthy meal we have every year. I served hot wings, cheese sticks, stuffed potato skins, and mozzarella cheese sticks. Yummy - but NOT healthy!

When we were done eating, we drew names.

Each year we draw names, all of us. Then Chad and I give each person a $20 bill to shop with. Any change must be left in the package of the person whose name you drew. We split into 3 shopping teams, and we all hit the mall.

Shopping is always fun. I was on Joshua's team. He was so proud to have "monies" in his pocket. He shopped very seriously for Krissy - keeping each item hidden under his coat, just in case she walked by. He was thrilled to be able to pay all by himself. It was a blast!

We got home and quickly wrapped the gifts.

Before we opened gifts, I insisted on a quick picture.

(I inherited this "gene" from my Grandma. Taking family pictures for what seemed like hours was always part of Christmas at her house!)

I am so thankful that I have this shoulder to lean on.

And then the wrapping paper started flying.

We open one gift at a time - youngest to oldest.

(so pictures are in random order)

Brenna bought this for Jay.

He is still a Colts fan, despite a difficult season.

Joshua chose a hat, nose rings, and some candy for Krissy.

He was so excited he was shaking as she opened her gift.

She was super sweet to him in return.

Krissy had my name.

She chose such thoughtful gifts.

Krissy surprised each of us with a gift.

She made many of them.

Including the sweatshirt Sierra is proudly modeling.

She has become an amazing seamstress.

I love this sister shot!

Sierra was so very thrilled with her gift.

She said her heart was just pounding with love.

Chad and I bought our TV addict a portable DVD player.

She wore hers out.

I was most excited about Chad's gift.

For the past 5-7 years he has said that he would really like to learn to play the guitar.

So, at long last. . .

we bought him a guitar!

He was excited!

He did get to try it for a few minutes,

before our other guitar lover took over!

(Chad may need to practice after Gubbers goes to bed!)

This final photo is of the gift Krissy made for me.

Krissy sewed, Sierra stuffed, and the rest of the kids kept it a secret!

Isn't it so cute?!?

It was a really good night. A night rich with love and laughter. A night when my heart was full to overflowing. Chad kept asking me if I was alright, because I could not help but be teary off and on. This year the tears were of joy and gratitude and hope. I am so very grateful for the love and laughter filled home that we have. I am thankful for thoughtful children, healthy children, loving children. I am beyond grateful for the man I am blessed to share my everything with. And I am so excited for the HOPE that promises to fill 2012.

Waiting in Readiness

2011-12-22T19:27:00.000-08:00

Chad and I have just completed updating our home study.

I thought that might get your attention. :)

Before you get too excited (or alarmed depending on your personal opinion), let me explain what that does and does not mean.

Chad and I feel totally content and thoroughly blessed by our family as is. Our kids are doing well, and life is almost easy once again. However, we also know that there are 143+ million children in the world who do not have a mommy or a daddy. That is NOT alright with us.

When we began Joshua's adoption there was no question in our minds that we would bring home a 3ish year old little boy from Ethiopia. Although we were fearful at times, we were very sure of God's very specific call.

We do not feel the same way at his time.

Right now, we have felt called to "wait in readiness." While we do not feel called in any specific direction, we do feel like we need to be prepared for whatever God has in store in our future. We are open to most anything - International, domestic, or foster.

We are also open to being "done." We do realize that we have 5 children. By most standards that is crazy enough! However, we love being parents more than anything else we do, and we have witnessed first hand the redemptive power that the love of a family has in the life of a child. For us, opening the door to another adoption is about being open to God's plan for the future of our family - period.

And YES! there are things about adopting again that FREAK US OUT! The possible costs, the risk of adopting a child that will have long-term difficulties, the amount of work involved in attachment, the fact that I am working and I would need to continue working are all examples of things we have worried over. (and we could continue. . . )

The truth is 35% of adoptive children struggle. Some of them struggle profoundly. HOWEVER 99.9% of kids that age out of the foster care system are in prison within 12 mo. of their "release" from the system. So, we could adopt a child that struggles. We could adopt a child that "never amounts to anything." Sometimes love and nurture and structure ARE NOT enough. We have chosen to carefully consider if we can measure our success in parenting based on our input rather than the success (output) of our child. Would we feel like parenting failures if our child struggles despite our best efforts?

In the end, our response is that if God open doors which lead us into another adoption, we KNOW the child is worth the risk.

We tell you all this, just so you know that anything is possible at the Dietrich house! This home study is good for the next 24 mo. In that time we may suddenly add to our family - sometimes domestic adoptions happen crazy fast. We may fall in love with the picture of a waiting child and begin the slow process of International adoption once again. We may inquire about children waiting to be adopted in the US foster system. We may do NOTHING!

We do not want to alarm you. We do not want to start "have you heard the Dietrich's are adopting again" rumors. We simply do not want anyone to feel blindsided if something were to happen quickly.

We do invite you to join us in praying that God will clearly direct our path. Pray that He will open and close doors in accordance to His will. Pray that He will prepare us for whatever may be to come.

A close friend who is aware of all that we are currently considering shared this verse with me yesterday. (Thanks for the verse & the prayers.)

"You need to perservere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." Hebrews 10:36

(I am betting you are wondering what our kids say. They are thrilled. They are totally open to more siblings. They said, "It's about time." Yep, seriously. We have utterly amazing kids.)

To me this song sums it up. We want to live our life ready to follow wherever God leads.

Uh Oh, Jamison's In Trouble!

2011-12-20T17:22:00.000-08:00

Jamison is a very easy kid. He is kind, responsible, funny, and responsible.

However, last week his halo was tarnished. . . just a bit.

On Thursday morning, Joshua and I left to get groceries at 6:45 am. The girls were up and preparing for school. Jamison was still in bed, but that is not unusual. He values sleep - a lot. He also leaves for school about 20 minutes later than his sisters, so he is able to sleep much later than they are. It is not uncommon for him to find the house empty when he comes upstairs for breakfast.

Joshua and I returned home at about 8 am. The house was quiet, and we got to work unloading groceries. After the groceries were put away, I got busy making a pot of soup. I chopped veggies while Joshua played. We chatted and sang and giggled.

At 10 am, Joshua and I left for the day. We were joining Chad for a quick road trip to Fargo.

At 2:30 pm, I received a text from Jamison. It said, " um Mom. I just woke up"

I responded, "Seriously?!" I was fairly certain he was teasing me. He is quite the tease! Besides, how could he have slept through all the noise Joshua and I made? And even for a growing teen-ager waking at 2:30 is beyond "sleeping in."

He responded, "Seriously."

I texted back, "Dad and I are in Fargo. We will have to talk about this when we get home."

Then, being the stellar mother that I am, I laughed. How in the world could he have slept until 2:30? I saw with my own eyes that he had gone to bed at 10:15 the night before! 2:30?!?

Just then the school called. They asked me where Jamison had been all day? Under normal circumstances, I would be annoyed that it took until 2:30 for the school to call and ask after my son. That day I was SO thankful! If they had reported Jay missing when I was 3.5 hours from home, I would have freaked out!

I explained what had happened and the attendance officer asked, "So, I mark him sick?"

Big momma dilemma there! Do I agree? He must be sick to have "overslept" that long, right?

Wrong. He was not ill, he was just an overtired, growing teen-age boy.

I said, "No. As much as I want to get him off the hook, the truth is - he just overslept."

We both had to laugh at that. She told me it was the first time she had ever heard of a kid oversleeping that loooong. She warned me even though it was just an accident, it would need to be turned over to the vice-principal as an unexcused absence.

So as a result, my perfectly imperfect Jamison Chad has detention tomorrow and Thursday. He will have to stay after school until 5 pm to make up time from his big nap.

Don't you love it when someone else disciplines your kids?

I share this with Jamison's permission because we all think it is really, really funny! (Not the punishment. We all agree that it is a fair sentence.) I do not know if Jay will ever live down the day he overslept until 2:30 in the afternoon!

Sure I wish I could try beat his record though! Staying in bed until 2:30 pm sounds absolutely heavenly to me!

Too Many Children?

2011-12-19T14:53:00.000-08:00

Growing up, I had an Aunt and Uncle who were only 6 years older than I was. I loved them, and I thought they were about the coolest duo ever! They alternated between tolerating and loving me! (what else do you do with an niece who follows you everywhere) Robert and Robin were like the older siblings, I did not have at home. They were WAY cool, and I was totally amazed by everything they did.

My Aunt Robin let me play in her playhouse when we were little. Those are some of my best childhood memories! When she was a teenager, she would let me sit in her room and watch her do her hair and makeup before she went out with her friends. I know it sounds silly, but I loved those times!

My Uncle Robert was fun! He also loved to tease me! I remember so many funny stories about him. There is always one I remember most.

One time he took me for a ride on the 3-Wheeler (remember those?). When we were a long way from the house, he turned around backward on the seat and was driving without watching the road. Now, I have always been a safety girl, so I panicked! I reached forward and turned off the machine.

He then told me that because I turned it off, I would have to restart it. It had a pull cord to start it. Try as I might, I could NOT get it started!

He then told me that I would need to push it back to the house - after all, it was my fault! So, I pushed and pushed and pushed that BIG 3-wheeler. He walked along and coached me along. Finally when we had just gotten within sight of the house, he gave the cord a quick pull, started the machine and drove off laughing.

Yep, he loved to tease me!

Today is my Aunt Robin and Uncle Robert's birthday. Unfortunately for us, Robert is celebrating in heaven. He died 8 years ago of melanoma.

Even when he was near death, he had a teasing message for me. At that time I was VERY pregnant with my fourth baby. His final message to me was, " Don't have too many more children!"

So, when I saw this sign on a bank tellers counter today, it really made me laugh!

I am sure my Uncle Robert would shake his head were he to see me driving my mega momma mobile filled with kids! I am sure he would tease me.

I am also sure, he would adore each of my babies! And I know my babies would adore him.

Sorry, Uncle Robert! I never did listen to you very well! I am not sure I will ever have too many children! But I sure wish you were here to tease me about them!

Happy Birthday to you too Auntie Robin! I may not have mailed a card, but I did think of you, too! I love you! I am so thankful to have you as a big sister/auntie combo.

Joshua goes to High School

2011-12-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Joshua was able to go to school with Krissy!

She is taking a child development class, and they had planned an hour of preschool activities.

I was worried about how Joshua would do, but she begged and begged. I was worried she would be upset or embarrassed if Joshua was scared or naughty. I was worried it would be more than he could handle. Yet, I really trust Krissy. The bottom-line is that she has proven time and time again that she can protect, nurture, and encourage her little brother - so I said yes!

Joshua was excited, but he was also nervous. He told us that he would only talk to Krissy! She kept reassuring him that that would be fine. He could sit on her lap the whole time if he needed to. However he would need to listen to her. He agreed.

Child development is her first class of the day, which meant she arrived at school with Joshua. They stopped for donuts on the way. He loved that!

Krissy said he did a great job at "play school!" He did sit near her the whole time, but he participated in the activities they did. She was proud of him.

So was he!

Chad picked him up, and then brought him to my office after play school. Joshua was thrilled! He proudly showed me his projects, and he told me all about his morning.

It is so exciting to see him becoming so capable, confident, and outgoing! Joshua GUbs we are proud of you!

Emotions Magnified

2011-12-13T14:48:00.000-08:00

I had the extreme pleasure of going to a concert last night. It was a good brain break, or at least it was meant to be.

The final singer of the night was Sara Groves. She made the following statement (my paraphrase), "During the Holidays all our feelings are magnified. If we are joyful, we are REALLY joyful. If we have lost someone, our GRIEF is that much more painful. If we are lonely, our LONELINESS is all-consuming."

I think she is so correct.

I am very consumed with "why's" these last weeks. I am overwhelmed by how unfair life can be. Why have I been so richly blessed? Why do I have enough to feed my children, when others are hungry? Why do I have health, when others suffer with sickness? Why have I been blessed with 5 children when others are barren? Why do I have such an amazing husband when others are married to abusers or adulterers?

Some may argue that I am blessed because I chose well, made good decisions, worked hard. . .

Others would say, I am blessed because I am an American. . .

Still others would laugh that I would even question my blessings. . .

I know that I will never have those answers. Life is just not fair. We live in a fallen world, etc... etc... cliche after true cliche. Yet these last days I wrestle for the answers. I know I am no more undeserving than another. If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted? Is God really good all the time? If He is then why. . .

It is a serpentine of thoughts that has no beginning and no end, so I must choose to STOP it.

I must CHOOSE to trust that God is in control. That He has a plan. That He will never leave me (or you) or forsake me.

I must choose to trust. I do choose to trust. I do choose to follow.

If you are dealing with magnified emotions this Holiday season, please let me know I would be happy to pray for you. Perhaps we can hold up each others hands through the MOST joyful, grief-filled, lonely, exciting, beautiful, busy, messy time of year.

If I lost it all, I pray my hands would stay lifted. Praying that yours would too.

Big Accomplishments

2011-12-12T05:30:00.000-08:00

It has been a crazy last 6 days. Crazier than you might ever know! However, I am back with an update at long last!

The highlight of last week for Joshua was getting a belt! He had been begging for a belt "just likey Drew." I agreed to buy him a belt as soon as he chose to dress himself. He was more than capable of dressing himself - he just preferred for mommy to do it.

Last week he decided to be a big boy, so now he is proudly showing EVERYONE his new belt! It is really fun to see him so proud and excited.

One of the highlights of the last week for me was the children's Christmas program at our church!

Joshua, Brenna, and Sierra all participated. It was hard for Joshua! He really wanted to sing on stage, but new is HARD! When we arrived at dress rehearsal he climbed on my hip and popped his thumb into his mouth! He was NOT going to sing! I told him that was fine with me!

We watched bout 45 minutes of practice, and he slowly relaxed. Finally he told me, "I'm going to go sing now." He climbed up on stage, stood between his buddies Drew and Tefsa, and practiced proudly.

At that point, I was pretty sure he would be a part of the live show. However, one never knows until show time!

Joshua and Brenna were both very excited to be wearing their fancy clothes! It was the first time Joshua had chosen anything to wear other than jeans.

He was so proud!

Look how proud he is walking on stage!

I was so happy for him!

Yes! He is posing for me to take his picture!

Brenna is too!

(They know how I love to snap photos!)

I like this one because you can see both kids on stage.

I was SO, SO proud of them.

Christmas programs are boring when you are little.

Sitting on stage quietly is hard work!

They did an excellent job!

Sierra was Mary.

Isn't she beautiful?

My heart was full, and my eyes were brimming with tears as I watched my kids yesterday. I am so proud of them, and so very grateful that God chose me to be their mom.

The other BIG accomplishment in Joshua's weekend was going to Grammy's house yesterday to bake cookies. He got to ride in Grammy's car! He LOVED that! He (and his siblings) spent the afternoon baking cookies with Grammy. Last year Joshua was too little to be a part of this tradition, and he was THRILLED to be "bigger enough" to help this year!

Mini-mission Trip

2011-12-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

Chad, Sierra, Joshua, and I along with a team of 4 other adults from our church went on a mini-mission trip Sunday. We drove a brief 2 hours to serve breakfast at a church called Freedom Fellowship. I have been waiting for years to visit this church, so I was very excited about the day!

It was a wonderful and very inspiring experience. All I could think as we served at Freedom Fellowship is that what we were experiencing was Church as Jesus intended.

The first order of business was to unload the "mega momma mobile," which was packed full of food donations. Joshua was proud to help.

Our main job was to prepare and serve breakfast. Since Chad LOVES to cook breakfast, it was the perfect assignment for him. He was thrilled to cook up sausage for kids!

Freedom Fellowship, the church we served at reaches out to kids in many specific and very special ways.

One way they reach out is to drive to the kids' homes and pick them up!

At a couple of homes they had to wake the kids up, and then went back a short time later to drive them to church!

What a beautiful example of reaching out to kids.

This verse comes to mind, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Matthew 19:14

Need a ride to church - no problem!

Your alarm did not go off - no problem!

You are hungry - no problem!

Because most of the kids (and adults) they serve come hungry, they are always fed breakfast before church.

As Patty told me, "How do you tell a child that Jesus loves them and will take care for them, when their tummies are hungry?"

They also send a small bag of food home with the kids. (The donations sent by our church family will help to fill these bags and provide breakfast for the next several weeks. Freedom Fellowship was so grateful for all of your donations, BCC.)

Another thing we did was unpack a couple of bags of next-to-new clothing and place them on a table in the main hallway.

In need of a shirt - no problem.

It was such a beautiful picture of the Gospel.

It made me think of these words,

"Dear brothers, what's the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren't proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone? If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing, and you say to him, "Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty," and then don't give him clothes or food, what good does that do? So you see, it isn't enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn't show itself by good works is no faith at all--it is dead and useless."

James 2:14-17

Being at Freedom Fellowship, felt pure.

The message was the same.

It always is.

Yet there was something beautifully real and truly refreshing about admitting there are needs within a congregation, and then meeting them as a part of the natural extension of the church.

From my brief glimpse, it seemed that meeting needs came first - "programming" second. I loved that!

There was a bit of goofing around, of course!

One of the things I enjoy about being with my boys is that they are always ready to laugh and play.

Joshua cracked us all up several times during the adventure.

At one point, the lights flickered. Chad figured Joshua had been playing with the light switch. He called, "Joshua? Did you do that?"

Joshua very seriously told his daddy, "No! I NOT do that! Lights must be magic!"

And sweet Sierra has such a beautiful servant's heart!

She woke up at 5:40 in order to go with us!

She sat in a teeny tiny spot in the back of the van surrounded by food on the 2 hour drive down to Freedom Fellowship.

She happily served wherever she saw a need.

She never once complained.

***We did serve with 4 other adults. I totally enjoyed and appreciated each of them! This was in NO WAY the "Dietrich Show," but because I did not ask their permission to write about or photograph them - I did not specifically mention them.

It was a great trip! I can hardly wait to return!

Concert Success

2011-12-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

Sierra has waited FOR YEARS to be a drummer,

and

tonight was her debut!

She did a fantastic job!

She was serious and very focused!

I am looking forward to MANY MORE concerts, Sierra!

Watch out Jen Ledger. . .

Less Hustle and Bustle

2011-12-03T18:06:00.000-08:00

One of my goals for this Christmas Season is to be home more enjoying each other, and less time participating in the "hustle and bustle" of the season. That is a HARD goal! There are so many cool things going on around town this time of year - parties, sales, concerts, etc. . . There is also the additional tasks that come with the season - gifts to buy - and then wrap, decorating to do, special treats to prepare. . .

I have been thinking a lot about how to enjoy the season more, and for me that is to be home more chillin' with Chad and our kids. So I have declared this Christmas an "Old Fashioned Christmas" at the Dietrich house. I am trying to make things simpler and more relational.

We spent the day baking, crafting, and watching cheesy Christmas movies on Lifetime. It was the BEST, most relaxing day, I have had in a loooong time!

I had wonderful baking assistants!

We made 5 different types of cookies and they ALL needed to be rolled into balls before they were baked!

I was so thankful for the girls' help!

We put Joshua in charge of sprinkles!

Sierra likes to cook and bake.

She is excellent help!

Krissy's favorite are the pretzels with a kiss and an M&M melted in the middle.

After we had our baking done, we took a trip to Hobby Lobby to stock up on a few craft supplies. My girls LOVE to make things, and they are quite talented! So, we put together some cute Christmas gifts this evening. I can't tell you what they are, but they were made in part from these:

And the results are really pretty!

It has been years since I have spent a day making Christmas gifts. I have missed it! Sometimes in my busy life I think it is easier to just buy something. ON one hand that is true. But, spending the day watching movies, talking, listening to Christmas music, and laughing while crafting was SO much more FUN than standing in line at the mall! Plus, my kids are truly excited about the items they made!

Last Sunday, my Pastor shared that 99% of what we buy today will be in a landfill within 6 mo. That really got me thinking! If almost everything I buy as gifts will be tossed, how can I make the gift into something special and memorable for my kids? It is certainly NOT by shopping with them - which usually results in one of us melting down! I hope that today made memories for them. Memories of laughter. Memories of sugar, lots and lots of sugar. . . everywhere sugar, Memories that will stir up feeling of cozy. Memories of feeling pride in creativity.

And if they do not remember today. . . I will.

Today was a treasure that will be hidden in my heart forever.

Jamison is 14

2011-12-03T17:37:00.000-08:00

Jamison turned 14 yesterday.

At 14, Jamison. . .

is a MAJOR Rondo fan
checks NFL.com every morning before school
loves Maddon12 on xbox
enjoys pheasant and deer hunting
is about 1/2 in. shorter than I am
allows his friends to call him "Jamie" even though I HATE it!
is looking forward to basketball season
hates vegetables - especially broccoli
spends a surprising amount of time on facebook
has a girlfriend
gets awesome grades
always remembers to say "thank you" for the little things like supper and clean laundry
is an awesome runner
loves to wakeboard
is kind and respectful, even when he disagrees

Jamison, it is an honor to be your mom! I love you, my son.

Sierra's Sixth Grade Show

2011-12-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

Sierra's sixth grade show was tonight.

It was a comedy called "Joust" set in the mid-evil times.

She was quite serious. . . for about one scene.

The rest of the show she was having a bit too much fun with her BFF Sydney.

They whispered.

They giggled.

They made silly faces at each other.

In all honesty, they were a bit distracting.

I think that maybe, just maybe, they have outgrown the elementary shows. But, watch our Middle School drama department - These girls will be headed your way soon! You better get ready, because they are drama queens in the making!

In other family news, Joshua is the proud owner of a tiny blue Christmas tree!

He has been begging for a little tree to have in his room, "just like Tesfa!" Today he spotted this cute little one - and it is BLUE! "Joshua, I love it BLUE! It is my favorite color!"

Lucky for me, it was not much more expensive than the night light I had promised him, because it was just too cute to leave on the shelf. If you would have seen my 4 year old cutie pie sitting in the cart, proudly holding a bright blue, tinsel tree - you would most certainly agree! (I MUST be mellowing with age! I spent money on a tacky blue tree, and I am happy about it!)

Good Mom or Bad One?

2011-11-29T16:27:00.000-08:00

We allowed Krissy to get her nose pierced today.

I am not sure if that makes me a good mom or a bad one

but I am sure

it made my daughter happy!

Joshua Is 4!

2011-11-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

Joshua Gebeyehu Chad D. is 4 years old today!

He opened most of his gifts last night.

The difference a year makes was crystal clear!

Last year he was unsure about gifts, uncomfortable with the commotion of lots of people, and in NO hurry to see what was in each box.

Last night he dove in!

He called a cheerful "Thank You" to the giver of each gift.

He was thrilled to have us sing Happy Birthday!

He had a blast playing with his friends and cousins!

Last year, his dad and I bought him a trampoline for his birthday - in the hopes that he would learn to jump.

This year his Godfamily bought him rollerblades!

He can jump, run, climb, and so now it is time to learn to skate!

Thank you God, that my son is learning to skate!

He is lovin' the rollerblades!

(I did learn one important thing. When helping a little guy learn to rollerblade, wear shoes! He rolled over my toes and it hurt!)

Daddy's boy!

Mom may have been lazy and had a combined party for the extended family - but I still want each of the birthday kids to have some time that is just about each of them. So today, Joshua got to pick lunch.

Any guesses?

If you guesses pepperoni pizza and root beer, you were right on!

The pizza place brought him a special dessert.

He was thrilled!

He even insisted we sing to him before he blew out the candle!

After he got done eating his Birthday meal, he said "OK everybody! Close your eyes!"

We kept chatting - it is hard to get the attention of our crew!

So he repeated, "Everybody! Close your eyes! I am gonna pray!"

I was shocked! He has never asked to pray at a restaurant, in fact he often is uncomfortable if we do. Additionally, praying after a meal is "out of order" and Joshua likes routine. I was truly surprised.

But what the birthday boy wants, the birthday boy gets!

So I quickly quieted our family so Joshua could pray.

He closed his eyes, bowed his head and said,

"Thank you God, daddy mommy buy me two toys.

Thank you it my birthday.

Thank you pizza and cookie dessert.

Amen"

Some days, I can not even believe how incredibly blessed I am.

Happy Birthday, Joshua Gebeyehu!

We love you so very much!

Birthday Bash X3!

2011-11-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

Of our 5 children, 3 have birthdays in a span of 14 days!

Sierra's birthday is Nov. 18.
Joshua's birthday is Nov. 27.
Jamison's birthday is Dec. 2.

So, to make it easier on Mom, we had our extended family members over for a combined birthday bash for all three kids tonight.

It was a fun night!

For These Many Gifts, I Give Thanks!

2011-11-26T11:30:00.000-08:00

This list is finally being typed up a few days later than I had planned. Life is full and rich and beautiful. I have savored these thankful thoughts, recognizing each for the treasure that it is.

It is a long list because in the last year I have been learning about counting gifts. I have been so inspired by Ann Voskamp's words, "I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of Thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for few things in my life."

I totally agree with Ann. I have found that as I examine the minute reasons I have to be thankful, my life has become much more bountiful, my soul much more joyful, and my perspective much more positive.

My list is alphabetical, because for many years I have counted my blessings mid-run. It seems when I have run long and hard enough to slow my mind from my list of daily duties, PRAISE emerges. When my mind is clear, my heart sings praise. It is a beautiful thing, really. And because even my mid-run, oxygen deprived brain demands structure (sad but true), I tend to go through the alphabet naming gifts letter by letter as I run.

It is no wonder that I always feel more joyful after a run. Focusing on all that God has chosen to bless me with changes my whole perspective, every time.

Pictures speak volumes, and this picture beautifully how I feel surrounded by my kids, and smiling into the eyes my husband. I am one lucky lady. I look at this picture and I truly can not believe how blessed I am.

And now, after much explanation, MY LIST!

A - ALL mighty God, Author of my life, abundance, appreciation, awe, adoption, Ashlee, Ann Voskamp

B- Bible, BCC, Brenna, boating, Bekelech, brothers, boys, beds, beauty, birthdays

C- chad, children, capabilities, clothing, camping, coffee, creativity, computers, Creative Construction

D- Dad, daughters, daily duties, doing, delight, delicious, dishwasher

E - Everlasting relationships, encouragement, eye-sight, emotions, eucharisteo, excitement, enthusiasm, Ethiopia

F- faith, faithfulness, family, friends, fun, fellowship, following, Flachs, food, fathers, flowers, future

G- God, grandparents, grace, gratitude, girls, growth, growing, goodness, giggles, groceries

H- husband of mine, happiness, health, hair, hands, home, heat, hugs, Holy Spirit, honesty, help

I- intelligence, insight, information, I-am, Isaiah, internet, IPod, in-laws

J- Jamison, JOshua, Jesus, jobs, joy

K- Krissy, King of Kings, Karri, Kristen, kindness, knowledge

L- love, life, listening, laughter, longings, Lindsey, Lunch Ladies, Lee's, laundry

M- mom, motherhood, miracles, money, mercy, music, mentors, memories, Mary, mission

N- now, newness

O- Omnipotent God, originality, opportunities

P- provision, perseverance, parents, parenthood, promises, presence, peace, presents, prayers, passion, providence

Q- quiet

R- running, Riley, righteousness, rainy-days, road-blocks, rest, relaxation, revelation

S- Sierra, sisters, salvation, sons, sunshine, singing, sleep, secrets, Sharlene, surprises, summer, snuggles

T- time, Teresa, tickles, tenderness, truth, trials, transitions, trust, toilet

U- understanding, uniqueness

V- vacation, van, vision, vacuum

W- water, wonder, wine, works, words, writing, worship

X- experience, excellence, excitement, expression, exercise

Y- You!

Z- Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

The really cool thing about that very long list is that it is just the very tip of the iceburg.

Thank you, GOd, thank you!

Brenna Joy is Thankful for:

2011-11-23T18:40:00.000-08:00

One of our family's Thanksgiving traditions includes making lists of things we are thankful for. In fact, my kids are never allowed to make a Christmas or Birthday Wish List before they make a list of things they are grateful for. My goal in doing this is not to discourage them from wanting things! We all wish for things and there is nothing wrong with that! However, we can sometimes get so wrapped up in the things we wish for that we forget about what we have already been blessed with.

Making thankful lists is something that my kids enjoy (especially the youngest three)! If I forget, they remind me about this tradition. I am so thankful for their hearts filled with gratitude!

My youngest three have allowed me to publish their lists.

Enjoy! (and yes! mine is coming tomorrow)

This year I am thankful for:
1.god
2.jesus
3.dad
4.mom
5.Krissy
6.Jamison
7Sierra
8.Joshua
9.Riley
10.food
11.water
12.pillows
13.blankets
14.Treasa and Jeramy
15.friends
16.camping
17.TV
18.movies
19.animals
20.candy
21.flowers
22.clothes
23.video games
24.toys
25.milk
26.pop
27.juice
28.Shaleen and Tom
29.Ashlee and Luke
30.hunting

Too be continued. . . Brenna chose to interupt this list writing to watch TV. (Shocking, I know) But she says she really wants to write more later! (If you know Brenna, you know this is totally her! It makes me smile to record it.)

Joshua Gives Thanks

2011-11-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

It was so fun to record the thinks that Joshua told me he is thankful for this year!

He watched his sisters write their lists and wanted to write one, too. He was serious and sincere when he made this list!

Sharlene buying me a toy and a card with lights
Peperoni pizza
Peperoni pizza ("Two times", I asked? "YES!" he told me. "I love it pizza soooooo much!")
Snuggles with mommy
Tickles with Daddy
Sierra
Brenna
Krissy
Jay
Riley because he is the best dog in the whole world!
I love sing, play guitar!
Auntie Teresa
Uncle Jeremy
Milk, coffee, and root beer
Grammy and all of my whole family
Going at my Kristen house
Tesfa
Drew and Ashlee and their whole family

He is not thankful for - the camper, boat, or any toys because they can not talk! "I only really, really love things that talk!"

Sierra's Thankful Thoughts 2011

2011-11-23T17:50:00.000-08:00

Mom
Dad
Krissy
Jamison
Brenna
Joshua
Cindy and Brian
Grammy
Grandma and Grandpa
RILEY!!!!!
Oreo balls/desert
My daddys wings (YUMMY!)
my room
my bed
my extended family
my education
Tishina and Sydney
music and my voice
food
Teresa and Jeremy
adoption
the camper and the boat
the lake
our church
the pastor to our church
Jesus Christ
The Bible
God
Fortune (the little boy i am sponsoring)
The house
clothing
airplanes
love <3
jobs/work
solidiers
my teachers
shoes
milk/drinks
vitamins
cups,plates,silverware, ect.
paper
pencils
T.V.
computers
the Sun
the Moon
electricity
The world
Bismarck, N.D.
rappers, Christian singers, ect.

Thankful for my Husband

2011-11-21T14:23:00.000-08:00

This song has made me cry the past several mornings when it "just happened" to be on the radio while I was driving to work.

While I do not personally understand the cancer aspect of this song, I do understand what it means to have a husband that "loves you through it."

I am beyond blessed to be married to a man that chooses to live out the lyrics of this chorus, every day.

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do this
I’m gonna love you through it

This Thanksgiving week, I count you, Chad, as one of the things for which I am most thankful.

It is an honor to be your wife.

Thank you for loving me through all the "its" past, present, and future.

I love you.

Bunk Beds for our Big Boy!

2011-11-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

At long last, we bought Joshua big boy bunk beds!

(He has been in a toddler bed.

I have put off buying a big bed because our home is for sale - but Joshua will be 4 next week, it was high time he had a big boy bed!)

He is THRILLED!

Climbing up and down is NO problem!

He chose the bedding!

It is covered with construction equipment - dump trucks, cement trucks, cranes, bulldozers, etc...

Last night he and Brenna tried out the new beds, sleep-over style.

She took the top, he took the bottom.

They both fell asleep in a wink!

Let's hope they sleep just as good when he is on his own, because Daddy says now that he has a big bed, Joshua needs to sleep in it! (As in no more sneaking in for cuddles in mommy and daddy's bed)

When Joshua heard that news, he suggested we send the bunk beds back!

It could be an interesting transition...

at least they look cute in his room!

Sierra's Makeover Birthday Party

2011-11-19T19:48:00.000-08:00

In our home, I let the kids have birthday parties with their friends until they turn 13. Which means, this was Sierra's last BFF Birthday Bash! Sad Face, (as Sierra would say!)!

What Sierra chose to do was have makeovers done at the beauty school with her 2 BFFs. They had a superb time! (And for $15 the girls got manicures and updos, so momma was smiling too!)

Here is Sierra in process.

Watching her get braided totally brought me back to Krissy getting her hair braided by the girls in Ethiopia! I so hope I get to bring Sierra there someday!

Tishina getting prettier!

There is a beautiful Sydney under all that hair!

After!

Oh boy, they were beautiful

AND

they looked WAY too old!

They loved it!

This is totally Sierra!

She said the stylist asked her if she wanted a classic or edgy look. She chose edgy of course!

Such beautiful friends - front and back - inside and out!

Sierra's Birthday Wish

2011-11-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

Our beautiful, spunky, and oh-so-very-kind Sierra turned 12 today!

I love birthdays, but for weeks Sierra was dreading hers. At first I ignored her comments of, "I don't want to have a birthday this year." I figured she was just thinking she was too cool for a birthday. However, last Sunday, I finally sat down with her and asked why she was not looking forward to her birthday.

She told me, "I don't want to have a birthday! Everyone will come over and bring me presents. Mom, I have everything I need! I feel sad and selfish getting more stuff. I just want to forget my birthday!"

Woah!

So, I told her that she was WAY to SPECIAL to ignore. I refused to forget her birthday - she is totally worth celebrating! BUT, if she really wanted to skip gifts, then maybe she could think of a way to give her birthday gifts to someone else?!

She perked up right away! Joy reentered her eyes, and she said, "Mom could I ask for money to sponsor a child?"

I gave her a big hug and (maybe a bit tearfully) told her I thought that was a great idea!

She was so excited to "shop" for her birthday gift!

She spent hours looking at different children's profiles on World Vision's website.

Finally she saw a little boy that she connected with!

"MOM! This is him! Can I sponsor him?"

She joyfully completed the online form -

and now she is officially Fortune in Uganda's sponsor!

Here is the introductory email she sent him:

Fortune,

My name is Sierra D. My birthday is November 18. I am 12, today is my birthday. This year I chose to sponsor a child instead of birthday presents. I could not choose which beautiful child I should sponsor, but when I saw your purple shirt (purple is my favorite color). I knew you were the one. You are beautiful and it was my good fortune for me to sponsor you.

Love,

Sierra Faith D

She is a pretty special girl, don't you think!

It costa $35 a month to sponsor a child. She has 4 months covered so far. What she does not receive in birthday money, she plans to cover with her allowance and extra jobs for mom and dad. She has a plan, this girl of mine, and she is determined to follow it through!

WE did do a few "normal" birthday things.

Sierra chose supper,

chinese take-out, of course!

And for dessert she chose Oreo balls.

Super yummy!

Tomorrow I am taking her and her 2 BFFs to get their hair and nails done (at the beauty school). Then we are going to a fancy restaurant, since they will be all fancied up, for dessert. A (no) sleep-over will follow!

It should be a super fun day!

Happy Birthday Berra-girl!

I am pinch-me-proud of you!

I Love Thursdays!

2011-11-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

Thursday has become my favorite day of the week, because it is the day (Joshua and) I work for Chad!

Today was extra fun because Chad was doing dirt work, and because Joshua LOVES riding in Daddy's equipment, we went to check on Daddy's workmanship.

Joshua got to ride in all the equipment.

First he tried out the mini-might blade.

Can you see him in the back?

He loved having the seat all to himself!

He looks so tiny!

He liked the blade, but he missed getting to steer!

So, he and daddy took a turn driving the packer!

Aren't they so cute?!

He told me, "the packer is bumpy!

and COLD! The packer no have a door!"

(It was VERY cold - as in 20*)

Not to fear, they were not cold for long!

When they got cold on the packer,

They tried out the backhoe, it has a cab and heat!

Luckily,

They felt sorry for me standing outside in the cold,

and picked me up for a ride too!

Joshua drove!

(Seriously, he DROVE!)

Chad jokes that in a couple of years he will have to pull Joshua out of school to help run equipment when he is shorthanded! That boy just has a way with machines!

Eventually, our field trip came to an end!

Mommy had office work to do,

and Daddy needed to get some dirt leveled.

We watched the big guys work for a couple of minutes.

It is fun to watch all the equipment running!

And I for one am so thankful that they are moving dirt instead of snow!

I was thinking today about how well Joshua is doing! It is simply amazing!

He is stuttering rarely these days! Our family working on speaking more slowly has made a big difference. When I hear him starting to stutter, I will remind one of his siblings (usually Sierra - she is our fastest, fast talker) to slow down their words. Usually as our words slow down, his flow with ease.

The other thing that has made a HUGE difference in his speech is being able to be at Kristen's house while I work. He is just flourishing there. He loves it! each new experience he has under Kristen's gentle watch helps his confidence grow that much more. I am so, so, so, so, soooooo thankful for our sweet Kristen!

I have also been thinking lately about how picky he once was. He is no longer a picky eater! He eats almost anything. He likes most fruits, warm and cold beverages, and some vegetables. He still prefers things to be cool rather than ice cold, and soft to crunchy veggies - but compared to months ago that is minor! He also has learned to love candy and baked goods.

I laugh when I watch him eat at church on Wednesday nights. Last year he always asked me to remove his dessert from his plate. Sugary treats grossed him out! Fast forward one year and it is the vegetables that need to be removed. . . and his dessert is eaten first!

Today he insisted on making his own lunch! He wanted a "Barney Sandwich" (peanut butter and jelly) without the jelly. So he got out the bread and knife and peanut butter - and fixed a sandwich all by himself! Then he lay down on the couch to watch TV with Jay (who is home sick) and fell asleep.

I Love Thursdays!

A Treasure from A Treasure

2011-11-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

Ever find a treasure in your email?

I did today.

In one glance, I knew this photo would be one I treasure forever.

Just like the amazing photographer who took it. I did not grow up with a sister - but I am so thankful that my sister-in-law has become my sister. You are a treasure, Teresa. I love that you trust me with your heart. I love that you laugh at all Chad's jokes. I love how you love my kids. But most of all I love how you love me, even when you think I am nuts ;)

Thanks for being such an amazing sister to me.

Our Sausage Factory

2011-11-12T21:58:00.000-08:00

One long standing tradition on Chad's side of the family is deer sausage making. And today was the day!

Sierra was by far the best helper.

She helped Chad cut all the meat off the deer bones. (Yuck!)

She helped him cut up both pork and beef to mix with the venison.

She helped grind it all up.

AND

She helped mix the seasonings into the ground meat.

Joshua wanted to help so badly!

Chad let him pour in the cheese.

(This year they added pepper jack cheese to the secret family recipe for sausage. YUMMY!)

Joshua begged to help mix!

He was SO happy and proud when Daddy agreed to let him help!

After the meats, spices, and cheese were mixed, it is time to TASTE!

EVERYONE makes an appearance when it is time to taste!

After the sausage has been given the "Dietrich Family Seal of Approval" it is time to stuff the sausage into casings.

Everyone gets into the action at that point.

Krissy cranks the stuffer.

Jamison keeps it full of meat.

Chad cuts the casings into sausage links.

Sierra twisted them up.

Joshua could hardly contain his "helpfulness!"

He was into everything, until

Daddy found him a job too!

His job was to put the sausage into the cooler.

Tomorrow Chad will smoke the sausage.

Then we will help him package it and fill the freezer.

I am not much of a sausage maker, which makes me even more thankful that our 5 beautiful children are so hard-working and helpful. Making sausage is a lot of work, but they all pitched in, happily! What a blessing!

Operation Christmas Child 2011

2011-11-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

The very first International outreach activity I was involved with was Operation Christmas Child.

The idea behind Operation Christmas Child is simple.

You fill a shoe box with small toys, hygiene items, a school supply or two, and treats. You add a letter, drop it off at an OCC drop-off location, and you are DONE!

In the last 12 years, it has become a Dietrich family tradition!

This year, we packed boxed as a community at our church. It was a fun night!

Here is Miss Brenna organizing the items she chose for a 5-9 year old boy.

Sweet Gubbers!

He had fun picking out items this year!

(Last year he had a hard time thinking about sending cool things to another "little good boy.")

He carefully chose items at the store, and became VERY upset if his siblings touched them.

Here we are writing letters to place inside each box.

Operation Christmas Child made letter writing colorful, easy, and fun with these cool letter forms.

(I bet the form letter also makes translation easier.)

Boxes are wrapped "soap opera style" with the lids and base wrapped separately. The girls did such a good job wrapping!

Here are the boxes Sierra and Sydney put together.

Oh, how I wish we could be there when they are delivered and opened. Just thinking about the excited children receiving our gifts makes me sniffle.

Wonder if this simple idea can change a life?

This video tells a really incredible testimony of what the seed of love planted in an OCC gift can grow into!

Need a tissue?

If you would like to pack a box for Operation Christmas Child, it is not too late! Check online and find an OCC drop off near you. They are collecting boxes all week (Nov. 14 - 21)!

(Another) text from God

2011-11-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

I woke up in the middle of last night filled with grief and terror.

I had dreamt that Chad had died.

It was a dream so detailed, so real, that I had a hard time letting go of the fear.

In my dream, he had died during his last day deer hunting (which would have been today). I was left not just filled with grief but with absolutely no idea what to do. How could I shut down the business? What was left to bill on the projects we are currently working on? How do I get rid of equipment? Should I have an auction? What about all the small tools and assorted inventory? Keep the building or sell it? How much grace would the bank give me as I sorted things out? Who should I ask for help? How could I really be there for my kids while trying to sort out the immediate needs of the business? How would I pay our bills in the short term? How should I use the money from life insurance and the sale of the business? Should I sell the house or pay it off? Would the kids get social security? How much?

I seriously processed all these thought in my pseudo-sleep.

I woke up to my alarm at 5:35 totally heart broken. I also woke up determined!

I was formulating a plan all through my shower. I was thinking through all the questions I needed to ask Chad so that if he did die I could "handle it." I was making a mental list of all the changes we should make, just in case. My mind was racing, my stomach ached, and I am certain my blood pressure was far from normal.

Then I picked up my cell phone to check my email, and I noticed the little cross icon at the top of my screen. This little cross tells me that I have received a Bible verse. I get one every day, bright and early, from the "DailyBible" ap on my Droid.

Out of habit, more than reverence, I clicked on the icon.

And when I did His voice broke through.

He said, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34

I love that God meets us right where we are at and loves us enough to speak the exact words we need to hear.

So, do I need to visit with Chad about how to move forward if he would die unexpectedly? Yes.

Do I need to freak out about it? No.

Thank you God for breaking through my racing thoughts, through my anxiety, through my attempt to control and reminding me of Your grace.

A Spirit of Sonship

2011-11-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

My heart has been so full this weekend - full of gratitude, full of joy, full of longing remembering.

I so clearly remember this very weekend last year.

Chad was gone hunting, and I was looking forward to a quiet weekend with fewer kids. Joshua had only been home 5 mo. and when I put him to bed that night he was completely overwhelmed with fear and grief. His daddy was GONE! His whole heart feared that his daddy, whom he was just beginning to love and trust, would never return.

My heart broke.

You can read that post here.

Only one year ago, EVERY SINGLE DECISION we made came with consideration of how that decision would affect Joshua's sense of safety, stability, and attachment.

Every . Single . One .

But this weekend, I saw first hand, the fruit of our labor.

Joshua absolutely radiated self-confidence as he swam. Every time he scanned the pool deck to find my eyes, my heart melted. He knows my heart and reads my expressions so perfectly. He can tell when I think he is cute or funny or naughty or in danger or mouthy or sweet, just by the set of my jaw. He shares the same heart to heart connection with me as his older siblings do.

It, all of it, is such a miracle.

It is a miracle that he is here.

It is a miracle that he is no longer ruled by fear.

It is a miracle that he does not just "fit in" - he is every fifth beat of my heart. Loved and loving exactly the same as his siblings.

He is a miracle.

On this, Orphan Sunday, I celebrate the miracle he is by retelling the story of how God brought him home.

I also share this video, which reminds me that although the statistics are mind numbing, it is the ONE that matters.

Orphan Sunday 2011 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Each of us can easily choose to change the life of one. It may be through adoption, but it may also be through child sponsorships, Operation Christmas Child, becoming foster parents, volunteering for the big brother/big sister program, going on a mission trip. . .

The list is endless.

Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Will you CHOOSE to change the life of ONE?

"Waterslide Awesome!"

2011-11-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

This weekend Chad, Jamison, and Sierra were off deer hunting. So, I decided to take the kids who were "stuck" home with me on a little adventure of our own! Last night we checked into the "Waterslide Hotel" (aka the Country Suites) for some swimming fun!

A stay in a hotel is not complete with our a Pizza Picnic! WE had "puppyroni," of course!

I love spending time doing things my kids love!

Pools are not my favorite, and staying in a hotel when my house is a few blocks away is a bit senseless. Except that my kids LOVED it! They felt special and important because I was doing something they wanted to do! They had so much fun, which caused ME to have so much fun!

It was time and money well spent!

JOshua is an absolute water bug!

He had SO much fun!

The pool was packed. . . and noisy! A year ago it would have taken a looooong time before he would have been comfortable enough to leave my lap. Then it would have taken a looooong time before he would have dared to play without me right by his side.

Fast forward one year and he jumped right into the pool!

All the kids did not phase him one bit!

He even chose to play with some of them!

He LOVED the waterslide!

One time he even went down by himself. . . on his tummy! I was waiting to catch him at the bottom and when I saw him plunge into the pool face first, I was sure he would be UPSET! I grabbed him and pulled up from under the water. He wiped the water from his face, spit out about a gallon of chlorine water, and then declared, "Waterslide AWESOME!"

Fear was not a factor for him!

Brenna is a water lover too!

She swims really well and would never leave the pool if it were up to her!

He is "hurt my heart cute!"

This is one of those photos that I will always, always love. He looks so little, yet so capable - so confident and proud! I will always look at it and remember this special hotel stay!

Here he is in a pool FULL of people, swimming in the deep end, singing his heart out! He was just too happy to contain his joy!

Krissy adores him!

They have such a sweet bond.

There are few activities that appeal to all my kids, but water (sometimes) brings them all together. It was so fun to see Krissy, Joshua, and Brenna sliding and swimming,

and laughing together!

It was a night I treasured!

I just love being a mom!

Where Do I Go From Here?

2011-11-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

Ever look at the direction your life is headed and think, "this is not what I expected?" or "How could now possibly lead me to where I think I am being called?"

That is the phase of life I am in right now.

I look at the details, and they just do not seem to add up. Where I would choose to serve is in my home, on my own terms. I would love to be home full time. I would love to be serving more in missions, spending more time at my kids' schools, preparing for another adoption, listening more to Chad's dreams, planning a trip to Ethiopia, etc. . .

But that is NOT where God has placed me. And although my life right now is GOOD, I am fighting it a bit because it is not my plan.

I am slowly realizing what a spoiled brat I can be. I want what I want, when I want it! God totally ripped the heart from my chest, and broke me clear through when he called us to adopt Joshua. Our life, our hearts, our awareness, our focus, our everything was changed. God demanded submission like I had never known before. It was hard, and rich, and pure, and humbling, and painful, and healing.

You would think I would have learned that God's plan is often totally different than what I would expect, but the control-loving, spoiled brat in me gradually takes over. Then I begin to plan, to dream, to decide how "it" should be. My plans often seem "good." Yet when the plan is "mine" rather than His, it can never be truly good.

This summer, as I realized that God was forcing me off my road and onto his path, I fought it pretty fiercely. After all wasn't my plan filled with good things? Why would He not bless it?

Gradually, I have stopped fighting. My heart is nearly peaceful. I am certainly not miserable. I like my job. Joshua is thriving at Kristen's. I can see God's grace, His favor, His blessing.

Yet I still wonder, "why?" and "how?" Why does He want me here instead of there? I still (sort of) expect that His path will lead back to home, but how? I totally do not get it, and I am comfortable with that. In an odd way, it excites me!

The biggest blessing about my job is that I am allowed to lead a Friday noon women's Bible study. In recent years I have not been able to attend a women's study, and I have missed it so much. This summer I read a book that my soul longed to share with a group of women. God has granted my heart's desire, and I am truly grateful.

We are reading Ann Voskamp's book, "one thousand gifts." Her book, combined with my beautiful friends, is a true gift. We ended today's study with a manifesto of sorts from Ann's book. It communicates so beautifully who and how I want to be, that I want to record it here, so it is forever hidden in my heart.

"To the Enfleshed Yes who said yes to this moment and yes to last year's business mess and yes to the path I am currently on and yes to the nail and yes to my name in the Book of Life, hear me say YES! Not "I'm worried." Not "I'm stressed out." Not "I'm anxious." Not "I'm too afraid." Hear me say thank you. Hear me say YES! Watch me live a life of yes. To all that was and is and is to come. The power of sin and death and fear-sent-from-the-enemy are forever ended because we can trust in the bridge even if it's caving, in God even when it's black, in the manna-nourishment even when we don't know what it is. The God whom we thank for fulfilling the promises of the past will fulfill His promises again. In Christ, the answer to the question of every moment is always Yes.

The answer is always YES!"

That is truly how I want to live. I want to live a life of YES! I want to trust, even when I don't get it. I want to follow, even when it is NOT the path I would have expected or chosen. I want to ALWAYS answer YES to Him.

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T20:49:00.000-07:00

I might not like carving pumpkins much, but I DO LIKE seeing lots of "pumpkins" in costumes!

We had a fun night!

Our kids are growing up. . . only 2 of them chose to dress up! The rest are "too big."

Brenna chose to be a beautiful, sparkling witch.

Joshua was a firefighter!

They were seriously cute!

We had supper and then went "trunk-or-treating" with Joshua's "God family."

Don't you just love it when you LOVE your kids' friends?

Joshua is pictured with his buddy, Drew.

While I waited for Joshua Gebeyehu to come home, I dreamed of these boys being friends. . .

and that dream came true.

I am SO thankful!

Brenna and Cam also have a treasured friendship.

We are doubly blessed.

Last year Joshua did not like candy.

Last year all the costumes FREAKED him out.

As you can see, a year has changed all that!

His bucket was quickly filled!

(I think he may have eaten his weight in candy today.)

AND, he was SO excited to put on his costume.

Joshua was SO proud to be a firefighter!

He rarely talks to new people, but he told ANYONE who asked that he was going to be a firefighter for Halloween!

He happily said "trick-or-treat" and "thank you" to plenty of strangers tonight with joy and confidence.

I LOVED IT!

So did he!

He was still smiling at bedtime!

Until we read a book and said prayers that is . . .

at that point he was fast asleep!

Being a firefighter is HARD work!

Joshua was fast asleep before his head even hit the pillow tonight.

Mah tah, mah tah!

One Tradition I Dread

2011-10-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

Typically I love traditions, but there is one I detest.

Pumpkin carving!

Shhhhh!!!!! Don't tell my kids!

I try! I really do, but it just is not my thing.

First of all, pumpkin goo is gross

and messy

and slimy

and gets all over everything.

Then there is the carving part.

Kids with knives?

So wrong!

(And yes. I do have the cute little plastic kit. Even those knives freak me out!)

That said,

enjoy a few pics of my kids carving pumpkins!

(you have to admit that goo is yucky)

(see Sierra agrees)

(Brenna does make a super cute jack-o-lantern)

Ahhhh! I am so happy to be done with pumpkin carving for another year!

Going to Bed Hungry

2011-10-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

Our pastor called for a 30 hour fast this weekend. 30 hours of fasting from something in preparation for a fund-raising dinner our church will host tomorrow, October 30. 30 hours of doing without something, in remembrance of the millions that go without true necessities day in and day out.

Each member of our household (minus Joshua) chose something different to fast from. Brenna chose snack food, Sierra the telephone, Jamison gave his video games a rest, Krissy drank no caffeine, Chad stayed away from TV and the internet. I chose to fast from food.

It has been an interesting day. I have never been hungry before. I have never gone without food except when I had the flu. Feeling hungry is totally foreign. In all reality, I am not experiencing true hunger. I have had water, juice, and coffee today. I am fully hydrated. I have had some calories and the caffeine my body craves. I have had much, much more than a truly hungry person.

Yet, I have had the tiniest feel for what it is like to NOT eat when others are.

I will go to bed hungry. Wake up hungry. Go to church hungry. Sing songs of worship hungry. Take communion hungry.

I do not even begin to understand what a life of hunger feels like. I can not fathom denying my children food. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes.

So tonight as I prepare for bed hungry, knowing I will wake hungry and NOT be able to eat (by my choice), my heart identifies with millions across the globe just the slightest bit more. I can not imagine this being my life. I know tomorrow at noon I will eat. I know I will eat again at supper and then breakfast and then . . . I have NO fear of ACTUAL hunger. Yet, choosing hunger, going without a basic need, makes the plight of many just the tiniest bit more real. (and my check tomorrow the tiniest bit bigger)

Father god, thank you that I an choosing hunger, but not truly hungry. Thank you for the abundance you have provide me. I am truly undeserving. I do not know why I have much while other have nothing. Help me to use my much for Your glory. Be with the many who sleep hungry tonight. Feed them stomach and soul. Please God, please.

No More Curfew

2011-10-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

Chad and I went on a date last night! It was the first time we had been out without a "curfew" since Joshua came home!

Our "curfew" for the past 17 mo. has been Joshua's bedtime. Because bedtime had been a time when Joshua was particularly fragile, we have always made sure that one of us was here to put him to bed. So if we went out, we either went out early so that we were home for bath and bedtime - or we went out after Joshua had gone to bed for the night. Our "curfew" was a great transitional plan. Joshua Gubs learned that he could feel safe (and even have fun) without mom and dad. And mom and dad were able to get out once in a while.

However, the time had come! We knew that Joshua was capable of going to bed without us home. We also know that because Chad and I have a business trip planned for February that will take us both out of town for 5 nights, Joshua needed to start practicing going to bed without us. So we enlisted Krissy to help.

I "booked" Krissy about a month ago when I bought tickets for a concert. I told her that we were going to go out on a "real" date. I would pay her to babysit, and that she would be putting JOshua to bed. She replied, "I'm gonna die!" Then she laughed and entered the job into her calendar.

We did not start talking to Joshua about it until this week. At first he got really sad. He nearly tearfully told me, "I only like mommy or daddy put me to bed." I simply reassured him. When he started to panic and obsess over it, we would change the subject.

One day when I reminded him that Friday Krissy would be putting him to bed, he got really mad. He yelled at me, "NO! NO! I NOT like that!" I just hugged him and reminded him that sometimes we have to do things we do not want to do. When he started to panic and obsess, we changed the subject.

Yesterday, we talked about it a lot. I told him how exciting it is that he is BIG enough to have Krissy to put him to bed. He was quiet. Not excited, but more accepting. I suggested he tell Ashlee. He told me "no way."

When I told Ashlee anyway, he said "I not want talk about that." However Joshua was really intrigued when Ashlee told him that Krissy will be putting Drew and Cam to bed next weekend. She told him they think it is fun to have a babysitter sometimes.

After that he stopped panicking. He was not excited, but I did not hear any more panic or complaints. He waved happily when we left.

He ate supper nicely. Then he had a major meltdown when Krissy told him it was time for bath. It was ugly. Kicking, spitting, tears and timeout. Eventually, he chilled out.

Krissy read to him, prayed with him, sang to him, and he FELL ASLEEP before she even laid him in his bed!

He slept until 6:30 this morning. Then he climbed into my bed and we slept until 8:40 together!

When he woke up, I told him how proud I was of him. He told me, "JOshua was a little bit naughty... kicking... spitting... Krissy put me timeout."

I responded that I was glad Krissy put him in timeout because we never kick in out family. Then I reminded him that I was really, really happy and proud that he settled down and went to bed nicely.

He grinned around his thumb and said, "I did it!"

Sooooo after a few more practices with Krissy or Grandma putting him to bed, Chad and I are going away for the weekend! Can you even imagine such a thing?

Lucky for us, it will truly be necessary! With JOshua everything needs to move in baby steps, so in order for him to be emotionally OK when we go away for a week in February, we will need to go away for a night or two first. It is essential that we continually prove to him that we will go sometimes but we always come back.

Once in a while these baby steps get really old. I want to just go and not be so careful. It is not natural for me. However, they have been so worth it! Joshua has become so confident, so brave, so self-assured. Fear no longer rules his heart. Love and trust are blooming.

So just a few more "baby steps" will be so worth it! Just a few more "baby steps" and I think the attachment tango will come to an end. Just a few more "baby steps" and he will be so attached, so confident, so trusting, that his heart will feel secure even when mommy and Daddy are in Hawaii.

Thank you God that you have not created Joshua Gebeyehu with a spirit of fear, but with a spirit of sonship. Thank you that love, trust, confidence... sonship now rule in his heart. And thank you God for the amazing older sister that Krissy is. She is such a blessing.

Hi-Tech Babysitter

2011-10-24T18:10:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, Jamison helped Joshua call Grammy on the telephone. Little did any of us realize that Joshua is rather long-winded on the telephone! He talked and talked and talked!

In fact, he talked SO long that I got the table set and a company credit card bill entered into my computer while he was entertained by Grammy! Poor Grammy! Three year olds are a bit hard to follow on the phone! BUt Joshua sure had fun!

I also have to report that in the last 9 days, Joshua has only woken up one time over night! He is sleeping SO well! It is really wonderful! Sleep has always been an issue for JOshua Gubs, the least bit of stress causes immediate (lack of) sleep issues. We can usually predict what time he will sneak into our bed based on how much stress he endured during a day. So the fact that he is sleeping so perfectly in his own bed, tells me his heart is content! Ahhhhh!

If that were not enough, he asked me to "please put me mah tah mah tah (his only remaining Ethiopian words)" at 7:15 tonight. I told him it was pretty early, but he insisted he was tired! He was, too! He fell asleep on my lap before we were done saying prayers and singing our bedtime song!

Can you even believe it?!?

Silly Siblings!

2011-10-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Brenna and Joshua wore matching outfits today.

(Their idea.)

They suggested a silly sibling photo shoot,

here are the results!

I hope you shared smiles, snuggles, and giggles with someone you love this weekend, too!

My "I deserve this" Moment

2011-10-21T05:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday did not end well.

Thursday is my day "off" from my church job. BUT, it is my day "on" at Chad's business. So I am not really off, I just get to work with Joshua in tow (big smile)!

Yesterday, all my kids were home because they had a school holiday. I LOVE having my kids home! The morning was delightful! I had worked ahead some for Chad and because I was waiting on a check to arrive in the mail, I was feeling "caught up." So I felt great about spending the morning making breakfast and hanging with the kids. Sierra had an ortho. appointment. We all went to the shop for me to do some filing, and then we went off to a "quick" hair appointment for Sierra and Brenna. That is where my day started to break down.

That "quick" hair appointment, took 2.15 hours! Seriously! I spent 2.15 hours in a salon with 4 (hungry) children. I had scheduled the girls at the same time, with different stylists, thinking we would be in and out in 45 minutes tops. WRONG! By the end of that hair experience, I was stressed! I needed to feed my kids, get to the bank, pay a pile of bills, run payroll, go to the post office, make supper, pick up the house...

The remainder of the afternoon went surprisingly well. My house was totally trashed, but I got most of the computer work done that I needed to for Chad's business. Sure, the house was a mess, supper only half done, I needed to get to the bank and post office, but... I was feeling like I may just survive.

Until poor Chad got home.

Chad walked in the door and asked, "What was the deal with the garbage all over the garage?"

I quickly apologized because I had let the dog out earlier and he had gotten into it. I had not had time to clean it up yet.

He said, "Oh."

My heart heard, "What have you been doing all day? You left garbage all over the garage for me to clean up?!"

Then he politely asked, "How long is Sierra's friend staying?"

I responded, "Her mom works until 6. I thought she would rather be here than home alone."

He said, "Oh"

My heart heard, "I am tired of extra kids and extra chaos. Why did you not bring her home earlier?"

Then I asked Chad, "Could you run this check to the bank tomorrow?"

He said, "I thought you would have gotten that done today, but I guess I can."

My heart heard, "What do I pay you for anyway? What DID you do all day? My home is a mess, supper is not done, there are children everywhere, and you did not even get your paid work done?!"

Because my heart, my stress, and my insecurities were talking much louder than my mind OR Chad's words, I lashed out. (At Chad of course, lucky man that he is to be married to me.) I grumped about how I can never do anything good enough for him. I stomped off to the bank and post office. I peeled potatoes for our late supper with jerky, angry slices. I set the table noisily. I ate sulkily.

I was so incredibly frustrated because I CAN NOT do it all. My house does not run as smoothly now as it did before I went back to work. I work all.the.time. There is always laundry, always bills, always counters to wipe, baths to give, homework to do, kids to council, emails to return, documents to prepare, a phone to answer, a fight to settle... I just wanted a day off, some time to myself, a bit of quiet, a long run.

Then I read this,

"I sometimes got caught up in "I deserve this" moments; I still have moments when I compare myself with other people and trick myself into believing I am doing pretty well. There are still moments when I believe I should be able to relax and do nothing some afternoon, instead of taking care of one more sick person. There are moments when I think that because I worked hard all day, I deserve to be able to sit down and eat my food instead of answering the door for one more person who needs help.

The truth is that these thoughts are not scriptural. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that I deserve a reward here on earth. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do work at it with all your heart." It does not end in "and after this hard work you deserve a long hot bath and some 'me time.'" It does end with, "since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward."

(Those words were written by 22 year old Katie Davis in her book "Kisses from Katie." Katie is living in Uganda. Her ministry, that she began as a 19 year old, sends 400 children to school, feeds thousands,and provides medical care for as many as possible. Katie has 13 adopted daughters. She spends all day... every day ... feeding, clothing, nursing, loving, teaching, cooking, cleaning, etc as she ministers to thousands in Uganda. I hope that some day, I will be as spiritually mature as this amazing 22 year old woman.)

Those words hit me right between the eyes. I do spend all day... every day... serving. My "to do list" will never be done. But that is what I am here to do!

God created us to be his hands and feet. He created us to love and serve in his name. The culture in which I live tells me that I deserve a nap, a massage, and a nice dinner out - not Him. He blesses me in all kinds of crazy, surprising ways! Sometimes those blessings do come as a dinner out, or coffee with a friend. Those blessings are not bad, they are good gifts - but they are also not "rights!"

My job, my mission, my purpose is to serve and serve and serve with love!

Hopefully, today will be a better day. Hopefully, today I will remember my purpose. Hopefully, today I will serve with His love in a way that makes Him proud.

Cajun Chicken Pasta

2011-10-17T16:29:00.000-07:00

One of the things I hope this blog does is preserve a but of (OK so maybe a lot of) the normal stuff that makes our family... our family. Even though I do not love to cook, I recognize that food is a memory maker. So once in a while I record a favorite family recipe.

This is one Chad and I favor.

Cajun Chicken Pasta:
2 boneless chicken breasts
2T olive oil
1 can black olives, sliced
1/4 tsp dried basil
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp lemon pepper
1/8 tsp garlic powder (or more)
2 tsp cajun seasoning
1 sweet red pepper (or use a roasted red pepper from a jar)
1 sm. can mushrooms, sliced
3 cups half and half
1 cup parmesan cheese
1 lb of your favorite pasta

Cube chicken. Cook chicken and all the spices in olive oil. When chicken is nearly cooked, add peppers, mushrooms, and olives. Cook until chicken is no longer pink. Reduce heat. Add half and half and parmesan. Heat through. Add (cooked) noodles and toss.

If you do not like spicy food, be careful of the cajun seasoning.

And Brenna, yes I do realize you HATE mushrooms! They are in there for me, sweety. Thanks for picking them out so politely! Remember how I always make this with cheesy garlic toast? THAT is for you!

From Surviving to Thriving!

2011-10-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

I believe that children need and deserve to THRIVE not just simply survive.

After 6 weeks in his first day care, it was evident that Joshua was not thriving. While he was doing OK at drop off... he knew what was expected and behaved as I and the provider asked. He was not eating or drinking while there. He was not attaching to her (or she to him). He was lethargic when I picked him up each day. His speech was increasingly difficult to understand, by the end of each day care day he was stuttering terribly. As the weeks went by he was sleeping more and more poorly at home, and I was seeing some "survival" behaviors come back into play.

I was honestly not sure what to do. I was not sure if he was struggling because being separated from me was something he was not yet capable of, or if he was just NOT in the right place for him.

Then God gave me a huge clue. Joshua had been attending our church's midweek kids program for about 4 weeks. He was familiar with one of the teachers but not the other. The first week, I went down with him, stayed for a bit, and then left. He did great and had FUN! By the fourth week, he raced off with his teachers and went to his room without a backward glance to me. He participated in class. He ate a snack... and it was something he had never tried before! He went potty and allowed the teacher to help him button his pants. He ran by me after class, told me a quick and happy story, gave me a hug, and then sprinted off to play with his friends. When it was time to leave, I asked if he would like to say good-bye to his teachers. He went to hug first Sharlene, who he has known forever, and then he found and hugged Lorie, who he has known for 4 weeks. His behavior was all totally, completely typical. It was exactly what I would expect from any child his age. So, I knew he could do it. He could be away from me and THRIVE.

I knew at that moment that I would not bring him back to day care #1.

But what would we do?!?

Try not to freak out... and pray.

I set up tours at several preschool/day care centers. There is one I really liked, but they really did not have the right spot for our/Joshua's needs. I was tempted to make it work... really, really tempted. But I forced myself to wait. I had a screening set up with becep, a couple more facilities to tour, and an overwhelming (although unwanted) sense that I needed to wait on God.

Then a facebook post led me to find out that one of my very best friends was considering doing some child care. Joy and relief do not even begin to explain what I was feeling in that moment. If Joshua did not do well at Kristen's house, I would know that he was simply incapable of being away from me while I worked. He knew Kristen, trusted Kristen, and liked Kristen. More importantly, I knew, loved, and trusted Kristen. Most importantly she already knew and understood Joshua (past and present) better than almost anyone outside of Chad and myself.

When I hung up the phone and told Joshua he was going to go to Kristen's house the following Monday while mommy went to work, he belly laughed. For real! He laughed and laughed with total relief and glee. Then he said, "I will eat at Kristen's house! Kristen's food is really, really yummy! I love it Kristen's house!"

Monday morning he was a little worried. He did think maybe he should pack a sandwich, but I reassured him. And he relented. When I dropped him off, he was so happy, totally excited to play and explore.

However, for me the highlight of my entire day (my entire week, really!) was picking him up. When I arrived he was so happy! He had all kinds of enthusiasm and energy! He had lots to share with me, including the fact that he had eaten a HUGE lunch! And his speech... it was absolutely the same as if he had been with me all day! He was so comfortable at Kristen's house that he even took a nap one day!

The entire week was filled with happiness AND sweet Kristen even sent me some super cute pictures of my happy boy via text during the day! Here is the "evidence" that our little man was absolutely thriving last week:

Seeing him so happy and so loved made my week!

Gratitude would be an understatement!

As is Joshua's week was not wonderful enough, on Thursday he had his first ever "Grammy day!"

Grammy was off work, and she and Joshua spent the day together!

He was SO excited! Maybe too excited... as he was up well before 6 wishing it was time to leave for Grammy's house! I was totally spoiled with pictures this week! Here are a few Grammy sent me of her day with Joshua:

Joshua's favorite part of the day was driving this "car" and

snuggling Grammy's "puppies!"

(Never thought I would see that day! Even Joshua laughs now about how scared he once was of dogs!)

The final bit of encouragement I received this was week was through a screening at our local becep. I had asked them to observe Joshua and listen to his speech. I know very little about speech path. and wanted to see if his stuttering was something we should have expert help with or not. I am also aware that his small motor skills are still 9 -12 mo. delayed. I have not been concerned about the small motor delays. I felt confident that they are not based in any sort of disability. They are simply the result of inexperience. Yet with the speed that kids are expected to grow up these days, I thought I better visit with early childhood experts and make sure they agreed with my momma expertise.

It was a very encouraging meeting. They totally agreed with my fine motor assessment and wanted to steer clear of any special therapy or an IEP of any kind before we gave Joshua time to cut, color, paint, sort, glue, etc on his own. So we will have a rich "curriculum" at home, and we all expect that he will gain as much ground in his small motor skills as he has in his large motor.

As far as speech goes, they recommended time and patience in this area as well. They suggested that we as a family make an effort to slow our speech down. They have noted that some children begin stuttering because they are forcing themselves to speak as rapidly as the rest of the family (If my dad still reads my blog, he will be laughing here. I have certainly been accused of rapid speech before.) Sometimes kids begin stuttering because they are trying to slip in and speak before a sibling gets his/her chance (also another big possibility.) As long as there are not secondary characteristics along with the stuttering and it does not cause him to be frustrated, they said we should just wait it out a while. We were also instructed not to imitate his stuttering, make fun of it, speak for him, or rush his speech. (This much we were already doing, but reinforcement is always helpful.)

As this week ended, I felt like we were finally headed in the right direction again!

I am so, so, soooooo thankful.

"Mom, we have Nothing to eat!"

2011-10-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

Last night several of my kids were "starving!" They were watching TV after supper and "NEEDED" a snack. "Desperately!"

I heard them foraging around in the fridge. Then I heard them digging around in the pantry. Soon I heard the fridge open again. I walked into the kitchen to see if they needed any help, and I was greeted with, "MOM! You HAVE to buy groceries! There is NOTHING to eat!"

So I peaked into the pantry, and this is what I saw:

trail mix, applesauce, granola bars, animal crackers...

Then I opened the fridge and discovered:

apples, yogurt, sandwich meat, cheese...

I mentioned these choices to the kids. They responded, "Well, yeah... we did see all that but I'm just not hungry for any of that..."

I responded, "Could you even imagine being hungry enough to eat WHATEVER is in the fridge?"

They gave me an honest answer. They said, "No. And I do not want to find out." (Might sound sassy, but in the moment it was just honest not disrespectful.)

That conversation made me thing of this video:

I'm thankful that my kids are aware of how lucky they are. I am thankful that they are willing to serve. But still we struggle with themes of entitlement... all of us, not just my kids... me too.

Gratitude is not natural but when practiced it changes everything! We are all a work in progress!

Consumed By Hunger

2011-10-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

For the last week, I have been absolutely consumed by hunger. Not that I have been hungry... I have been consumed by thoughts of the hungry.

I have spent hours researching the statistics. They are sobering.

925 million people in the world are hungry
which means 1 in 7 people world wide will go to bed tonight hungry
12 million people are STARVING in the horn of Africa
Hunger is the BIGGEST health problem in the world.
A child dies every 12 seconds of hunger related causes.

Though they are sobering, sad, unfathomable; these statistics are not new to me. I have heard the numbers before.

What has truly consumed me in a brand new way, is how little I know personally about being hungry. I have never been hungry for more than a couple of hours. In all honesty, I have never been hungry enough to eat whatever is in the fridge. (How many times have you dug through your refrigerator or pantry and decided that there was "nothing to eat?") I have never had a truly empty refrigerator, pantry, or freezer. I have lived on a tight enough budget that I chose items carefully at the grocery store, but I have never had to live on rice or beans or cereal alone. I have never looked into the eyes of my child and explained to them that we will not eat today. (That one just cuts me to the bone.) I have never spent my whole day searching for food and water for my family. I have never...

In the last week, the plight of the millions of hungry, the hundreds of thousands of starving has entered my heart in a new way. I have chosen to feel their pain at a new more personal level. I have really thought about how it would feel to try and nurse my baby, but be unable because I was starving and know my baby was too. I have considered how it would feel to look into the gaunt, lifeless eyes of my children, knowing I was unable to provide for their most basic of needs - food. I have put myself, with my five children huddled close, in the line waiting for... hoping for food at a refugee camp. I have truly put myself in the shoes of a single parent fully realizing that the only way to spare my son's life was to give him up.

To be honest, I wish I had not. Hunger is more manageable when it is simply statistics.

However, I tend to act in a far more compassionate manner when God gets to my heart. (sigh)

There is one statistic that I find particularly interesting. Did you know that there IS enough food in the world to feed everyone? There is NO REASON that people are starving to death.

I wonder sometimes if God is testing us "haves." If He is waiting to see if we will share all that we have... all He has given. We know about the problem. Will we chose to be a part of the solution? Will we be generous, or selfish? Will we reach out, or turn a blind eye?

We know what He desires. We know what will make Him proud.

But do we care enough about what He thinks to act?

I can not change the whole world, but I can choose to make this day better for a few. I can do what I can do, and trust Him to use my service, my funds, my prayers, my words for His purpose and His glory.

You can too.

A Post with NO Mention of ANY of our Kids!

2011-10-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

You read correctly... no mention of our kids in this post... NOT EVEN ONE!

This one is all about my handsome husband!

Chad spent the day today hunting pheasants with his Grandpa, his Uncle Jim, his Mom and her boyfriend - Dave, our Brother-in law Jeremy, our nephew Isaac, and a bunch of talented dogs!

Pheasant opener is one of the highlights of the year for Chad, and thanks to our sister Teresa, I have some beautiful photos to document his adventure!

Here he is with his Uncle Jim and his Grandpa,

2 of his favorite men in all of life.

(I love this picture Teresa!)

Riley dog did a good job today!

He has matured so much... listening is no longer super difficult!

(As for the photo, Sierra says we need to order it as HUGE canvas. She may just be right! Although I prefer people pictures, this one is particularly magnificent!)

The entire hunting party (left to right)

Jeremy and Murphy (dog), Jim, Lacey (dog), Grandpa Hoff, Isaac, Dave, Chad, and Riley (dog)

I think their smiles say it all!

Guess what we are having for dinner?

Jay's Final Race

2011-10-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

Jamison ran his final cross country race today.

It was the WDA Championship, the biggest race of the Middle School Season.

We road tripped 4 hours to watch Jay race today!

I'm so glad we did!

We arrived in time to watch the High School kids race.

I loved it, but our "shorter" spectators got a little distracted!

Wrestling is always a good way to kill time.

When they noticed me snapping pictures, Joshua and Sierra paused to pose.

Wrestling was resumed very quickly... this time with Daddy tickles added in for extra fun.

Eventually Joshua took a little snuggle break.

(yep, I loved that)

Can you tell I enjoy my kids?

They make my heart smile!

If you would look up "momma's boy" in the dictionary right now,

you would see a picture of my Joshua Gubs.

He is MY BOY to an extreme!

It was a sacrifice for daddy to be at the race today.

He loves to watch the kids do things, but today was also opening day for pheasant hunting.

I love that he chooses to put his kids first.

(Don't feel too sorry for him! He will be hunting tomorrow!)

Sierra and Joshua were "racing" while they waited.

Next year we will be watching Sierra run, too!

Joshua is all smiles as we cheer for him while he "races."

At last Jamison's race was lined up to start,

check out all those racers!

And they are off!

Jay and the group of teammates that he trains with most call themselves, "The Wolf Pack."

One of the things I love about cross country is that spectators do not sit in the stands and watch.

I love trying to see Jay at as many different spots in the race course as possible.

You have to be quick though, so Joshua has to be in his jogging stroller.

When we packed it up today, I realized it may be the last time he uses it.

By next season, he will be fast enough to keep up with his crazy momma!

Almost half-way done

Pushing through!

The finish!

Jay finished 19th today!

19th in the WDA!

We are proud of you Jamison!

It was an awesome season!

I can hardly wait for next year!

All that "racing" was hard work!

(I have a feeling that the bus full of racers was not quite as quiet as our vehicle was...)

It was a great end to a great season!

Hungry

2011-10-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

(If you are anything like me you just noticed that the video is 12 minutes and thus decided to skip it, after all who has 12 minutes to watch a video? I decided to take 12 minutes to watch this today. 12 minutes is a sacrifice to me. I have not regretted it. I don't think you will either.)

Ever been hungry? Truly hungry?

Me either.

Ever been unable to feed your child?

Me either.

Sadly, many, many mothers look into the eyes of their children every day and are unable to offer them the comfort of food. In fact 24,000+ children died today because of preventable stuff like malnutrition.

24,000+... died...today

Yes, seriously more than 24,000 children died today.

I try not to think about it, because when I think about it I feel totally helpless, totally insignificant.

But ignoring the fact that 1 in 5 children die before they turn 5 due to "simple stuff" like lack of nutrition only turns my feelings of helplessness into reality. In truth, I can make a difference. It only takes $30 or less to feed a child for a month in a developing country. We live on a fairly tight budget, but I CAN carve $30 out of it... in honor of 1 child or 1 momma or 1 daddy. My small will feel HUGE to them. My small can be significant. It will not change the world, but it will change the life of 1.

And each ONE matters.

On October 30 we are having a community dinner at my church. All proceeds will go to feed hungry... TRULY HUNGRY, mothers, fathers, children, and grandparents in the Horn of Africa. If you would like to combine your small with my small, please join us, and together we can make a difference for a few.

If you can not be at this dinner, I highly encourage you to send a donation of some sort to the organization of your choice. Do not buy into the lie that small is insignificant! If I could not feed my child, even 1 meal ($1) would feel SO SIGNIFICANT.

Some aid organizations that provide emergency food that I would recommend are:
World Vision
Food for the Hungry
(there are MANY others as well)

We can make a difference!

Sierra's Turn to Race

2011-10-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

Due to several foot injuries, Sierra has not been able to participate in the elementary cross country races this fall, until today!

She was thrilled to be able to race in today's event, which was the final meet of her "elementary career!"

Sierra always has a smile on her face, even mid race!

She finished 7th!

We are proud of you Sierra-girl! And very thankful that your feet are feeling strong! We can't wait to watch you race more next year as a Middle Schooler!

The Good, The Bad, and The Super-Cute

2011-10-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have done a "Joshua update" post - mostly because he was just doing so well, he was so steady. In the last weeks, I have noticed changes... some good, some bad, some just super-cute!

We will start with THE GOOD!

Last week I let Joshua go outside and play in our backyard with a neighborhood friend, unsupervised. (OK so I was watching from the kitchen window - but I was not outside with them!) When he first came home, I seriously had to insist he stayed in the bathroom with me when I showered because he had no understanding of boundaries. One morning (before I instituted the shower policy) he wandered outside and down the street while I showered. It was more than a little scary to realize he had NO concept of home/safety/strangers.

Last week, when Joshua was allowed to play with his friend, he obeyed his boundaries perfectly... even when the friend did not! I am so, so proud of him!

Joshua has become excited about "projects!" He loves to paint, will color, is interested in cutting, and is a playdough pro! He loves to read books and is beginning to identify more and more letters. Small motor skills are starting to be something FUN to work on.

Large motor skills are great! He has become strong and agile. He can climb, balance, and jump. While he is not the most athletic kid in the gym, his skills no longer are noticeably delayed in any way.

He is also no longer scared of animals... in fact he has become an animal lover! We went to the zoo today (we had not been there since last year) and he had SO much fun! Where a year ago, he really did not want to leave his stroller, today he was thrilled to see all the animals and even MORE thrilled when he could touch them!

Moving on to THE BAD!

It makes me feel bad to even use that word... really I just picked it because I liked how the title sounded! But in all reality not all of life is "the good" and "the super-cute" some is more on "the bad" side.

This weekend Joshua just felt off. Like he was regressing. I will be honest and admit that I had to talk myself down a few times. I want to jump to the "mom is back to work and it is wrecking the child" scenario. That may be what is going on, it may also be that he is three and testing us. No matter the root (which will be identified in time) it was not as fun a weekend as usual as it contained more than its fair share of tantrums, tests, and time-outs.

While Joshua has a HUGE vocabulary and is very detailed and fluent, he has begun stuttering. It is very mild when calm and rested - but can be quite pronounced when tired or stressed.

He is still not eating at day care (except for the turkey sandwich I pack). He also does not want Denise to buckle his pants after he goes potty. In short, he just does not want to get too comfortable there. His guard is certainly up. While I see a lot of improvement, like him wanting to give her a good-bye hug on Friday, drop off transition becoming shorter and happier, projects coming home, etc I still worry... a lot. (Please pray that if he is not in the right spot, that God will clearly open another door. Or that I would become peaceful because right now leaving Joshua at day care is the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a parent.)

And now for ... THE SUPER-CUTE... photos from today:

Only Sierra went with us to the zoo, and boy we had fun!

A stolen kiss...

Silly snuggles with Krissy...

and the pictures to prove it!

And...a SUPER-CUTE story from the weekend:

Joshua brought home a pair of cowgirl boots from Grandpa Scott's house recently. And yes! I mean cowgirl boots! They are red with hearts, very comfy and cute, but NOT for a boy!

Well, girly or not, Gubs loves them. He is always and forever asking to wear them places - but the rule is only at home. (After all he does have teen-age siblings and they do have some pride :)!)

Knowing the answer will be, "No!" does not stop him from asking if he can wear them to the store though!

So this week when he asked me "Mommy can I wear my girl boots to the store?"

I asked him, "What would Jay say?"

He responded with a belly laugh. Then he put his hands on hips and said with much sass, " Moooommm! Really?!?!"

Which is precisely what his big brother would say! Ohhh, he makes me laugh!

Hunting Boots

2011-10-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

The best part of hunting season may just be...

new boots!

Today was the opening day for youth pheasant hunting, and because our boys have grown sooooo much in the last year, we started the day shopping for new hunting boots!

There are my boys, ready to hunt!

Can you believe how tall Jamison is becoming?!

Today it was only legal for Jamison to carry a gun, but next year Sierra will be hunting too! She loves hunting and goes with every chance she gets!

Riley was in golden retriever heaven when they all headed through the CRP, shotgun on Jay's shoulder, looking for birds.

With all the rain this summer, the CRP is tall and thick. Walking is hard, so

JOshua and I "helped" kick up birds from the road!

Joshua really, really wanted to go hunting with Daddy and Jay. He was so thrilled to be able to walk "with" them. I was thrilled because he walked on his own the whole way! He has gotten so strong! Even 6 mo. ago I would have needed to carry him home, today we raced!

Unfortunately, Jay did not even get one shot this morning. They saw many hens, but not a single rooster. Hopefully he will have better luck next weekend when he joins his Dad, uncles, Grandma, and Great Grandpa for the "real" opener!

Top 10

2011-10-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

Jay placed 9th in Thursday's meet!

His improvement this season is astonishing.

He placed 33rd the first time he raced with these same opponents!

Like I said... astonishing!

Names

2011-09-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

A name is a powerful thing.

Chad and I spent hours and hours choosing the names of our kids. It took a lot of time, energy, and negotiations before we settled on what we considered the perfect name.

In the mind of our oldest, we failed miserably. Krissy has a "long name" and she HATES it. Truly hates it! Like she would rather have me cuss at her than call her by her legal name... seriously! She vows to change it as soon as she turns 18, and I will be surprised if she does not.

The funny thing is, we still love her name. I know you are very curious at this point as to what the "awful" name could be, but I would never disclose her legal name when it is truly a source of pain to her. Part of knowing, loving, and respecting Krissy is understanding that her name is Krissy.

With Joshua, it is the opposite. He is ALWAYS Joshua. Many times when I introduce him to people as Joshua they respond, "Hi Josh!" It totally cracks me up, because he is NOT josh. It is not a name he likes or responds too. Part of knowing, loving, and respecting Joshua is understanding that his name is Joshua.

I have often thought about how significant knowing a person's name is. Over the weekend, JOshua shared his thoughts about names.

Joshua said, "Mommy. Some people not know me, they call me Josh. I NOT Josh! I JOSHUA! Only Joshua! I not even 'ook 'ike Josh E Cook (the only Josh he knows)!"

Is he not so totally correct?!? When we do not know someone, we do not know their name. To really know someone's name is to begin to know their heart.

I so appreciate the wisdom my children share with me! They inspire me over and over again - to be more, do more, and love more. I am terrible with names! However, my three year old treasure has inspired me to try harder, because I want to be worthy of glimpsing inside the heart's of the people around me.

Digging with Daddy!

2011-09-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

Just as I drove into our day care providers driveway this afternoon, daddy called.

He was digging a basement and knew a certain little someone would LOVE to help him!

Joshua was beyond thrilled when I told him about the surprise!

I truly do not know which of my boys loves equipment more... Joshua or daddy?!?

Joshua climbed right onto his Daddy's lap, and they got to work!

Joshua always has one hand on each joy stick, just like Daddy.

He told me, "I think Joshua can do it all by myself!"

Daddy says he is not far off!

We joke that by the time Joshua turns 5, we will need to keep the keys to our construction equipment hidden or Gubs will take them our for a spin... by himself!

This is my favorite picture.

It is just so pure, so sweet!

I love that God planted the same LOVE of equipment in both Daddy's and Joshua's hearts.

I do not think it is a coincidence, but one of those amazing (sometimes unnoticed) blessings that God gifts us with just because He loves us so very much.

How has He blessed you today?